Saturday, January 27, 2007
I guess this will probably be the last post of beautyfortheashes.blogspot.com
I've been busy and in a emotional breakdown about almost everything in my life. I'm about to lose my friendship, lose my boyfriend, lose my family, lose my hope to do what i believe in, lose my life. Lose everything. I don't care what you think of me. If you think I'm being not strong enough, you're wrong. I am strong. I am so strong that i destroy every little thing that im left now. Now i'm left with nothing. I probably don't have anything happy or joyous to blog about my life.
What's my problem? My problem is, that the pressure i am getting from e v e r y t h i n g that revolves around me. I'm letting my family to rot to death. I'm burning my brain cells trying to make sure that i have a stable job in the future so i don't have to struggle with not getting money, because for now, i don't even have the money to eat to school, or buy my own lunch after school or even pay the library books loan. I have already not eaten for 3 fucking days. Thanks la papa. When i need my boyfriend to accompany me eat, his busy making money. And things got worst because everytime i need him, he's not there for me anymore. When i need my friends, they themselves encounter the same problems as me. Indeed that i have no mother, thanks, what you want me to lose more? My life? Fine, you wont see me much because i'll disappear one day. You dont have to worry about that girl who has so much problems and god she's so fucking weak. You will never experience what i am experiencing. Get it? It's my fate to be in such a position. I'm not going to commit suicide. Because most probably, i'm already dying. My heart's burning, my soul is tearing apart. I never want it to, it just did happen like that. Like a diesease.
I've learned my lesson. Now it's time to conquest for new adventures, and i swear i'll be a lot happier. I just need my chances, if you wont give me, i'll look for it. Thanks everyone for faithfully reading my blog. Thanks to all my friends like Haziqah, Syq, Sarah, Sawah, Irda, Fee, everyone la, for being there when i have absolutely no one. Thanks for Rusydi, for being the best boyfriend who taught me to be a better person. Yes you owe me a lot, i owe you more but you just won't accept it. Oh, i'm doing this for the last time. And if all else fails, i might as well be happy with what i have :D
And favour, don't you dare ask me what is happening. Or i will burn your pubic hair.
Good Bye.
(1:56 PM)