Saturday, October 14, 2006
I'm trying, I'm trying.
To let you know how much you mean to me.
As days fade, and nights go.
And as we both grow cold.So much of his words, his promises were lies. And how his kisses still stings right into me. And how much I could remember how it feels to be rubbed softly on the hands. And how his face felt so warm against my cheeks. How his lips could take away my sorrows. How his jokes could meant hapoiness forever. How his hugs and snuggles are so heaven sent. How his smiles were worth better than diamonds. And that he is gone for some useless reason. That everything around me reminds me of him. That all songs were only played for his existence. That all the tears that rolled down my cheeks were merely just for him. And how much I still love him, is never ending. And all this could just be an obsession. How his disappearance can make me go crazy. And how much I his voice worth, like the air for me to breathe. Because right now, i'm barely breathing. I'm choking every single words I have for you. My love was wasted but it did not wash away. It's kept in me waiting. And I don't know what else to do, now that I've lost you.
Funny how it seems but I sometimes laugh to myself. Even a guy more perfect than him, can NEVER replace him. He is just so rare, so hard to get, so hard to find. It's like to me, he is the only guy in the world for me. No other guy can bring me the same happiness like he did to me. And he is the only guy that made me smile in my sleep. And if I were to find someone who can do that, and do better than him, then i'll be very happy then. Yes, I've changed. Nobody can bring me down, nobody can change me but myself. But he did. He changed me.
Yes, I am a little different to different people nowadays. To dickhead, heh sorry, I'm sorry ok. Maybe because you haven't seen me for a few days. Yes, you are true. I'm stressed because of him. Not exams or family. Ok wait, family a little. But he's the reason that I am what i'm now. Not kecoh anymore? Maybe you guys have gone through brekups and heartbreaks. But mine is like so difficult. Maybe if you ask me more, i'll tell. I know I keep things to myself and secrets, but i do share. Just that, maybe it's not the right TIME and PLACE to tell.
To Tasha, oh come on! I'm always the happy-go-GILER with you. Knowing that you are going to e4 instead of e6, breaks my heart. And i've been doing lotsa thinking. What will happen to me if you were not there beside me. It's the same as losing a mother ok. Just that you are better than a sister, way more better than friends, way better than an angel. You were there for me when I needed almost anyone. You were there. The only one I look for. And you know how it feels to lose a mother? Like when you were left alone at home. And then go search the meaning of life. And so far, I did not manage to find. I'd rather die than to live without a mother ok. But because I have such wonderful friend like you. I lived. I don't give a fuck what people say about you. But as far as I know, no one can bring happiness to me like you do. I've lost Zai, what more you want me to lose? So Tasha, maybe I've been a fucker to you sometimes. But look, of all friends I made, and all friends I had, you were the best ever. Trust me, the best. So what you if people think you are of bad influence? SO WHAT?! They never knew you deeply who you really are like I do. Because all this while, I've stood up for you. And I hope you won't bring me down.
Heh, Hani! You and stories of guys. Me and my scandals. My keboodle! Look, forget about the crisis and stupid fucking fights we had. There's so much more to look forward to. Like I can accompany you minggle and you could do the same to me. Guys are fucktards but no matter what, we both have to much love to giveaway. So why not waste them. They don't know how much we worth. Worth more than money can buy. Though of course, sometimes, money really cut our price. Hhaha. Ok wait, that sounds so ... slutish... BUT I know, you were there for me too and you are a true friend. Maybe you did mistakes or two that made me think you were mentally crazy but hey, you managed to make me smile.
Zach, Fai, Amir, Aidil. Haha, you guys are great. But sometimes you are shitfuckers! Haha. Oh what so ever. You made me smile too but at the same time, you are just the pain in the ass! Tsk!
Look, I don't know what else can mae me happy. I don't know what's worth living? Serious. Argh, I'm not going all e m o. Look, if you think I am, I don't want to be known as an emo. I want to be known as Nurul Fatin Artsy Hardcore Indierockguylove Fashion Glam ass. Not trying to be a fashionista or glamourous. But I do enjoy buying designer goods. Haha. Hardcore music and Indierockguys. Artsy designer. No emo. Emo is ewwww. Ishk, to me, when i hear emo, it's a nother substitute for wanker. And it disgusts me. Lastly, I want to be known as that friend, who you can't find.
Friends come and go. It's like getting harder to make friends. Socializing just increases your circle. But how much true friends can you find? I found 2 gfs. Dinah and Sarah from Myspace.
Family are like bunch of strangers who are "linked" to you. My family might seem perfect, because maybe because you think we are rich. HELLO? Rich but not happy. Not even close to sad. Worst than that. So stop giving me fucking problems ok. I have no time for your fucks.
HAHA, of all the sadness i made this. Sorry if it's ugly. Just trying to keep myself busy from those stupid sutff I cried about this morning. Yes I cried so what? It's good enough to make me smile. Click for bigger preview. HAHA!
GAH! Jangan sebok boleh tak kau?! You are just my friend ok. Don't take it too far.
IF YOU HAVEN'T READ WHAT I BOUGHT
LAST NIGHT, GO READ BELOW!
(10:08 AM)
WHAT THE FUCK?!
I BLOGGED SO MUCH.
& IT'S GONE.
!@#$%#!
PFFFFFFT!
Went Vivocity with Aisahsah cousie.
Vivocity was nice, my new favourite shopping place.
Saw Myspace Starbuck guy, Nadzry.
Went shopping like C R A Z Y.
Laughed with Aisahsah like C R A Z Y.
Went to meet Zach and Aidil @ Bugis.
On the way, saw Farah and Achap Dino.
Laughed again in the MRT "car"t! HAHA.
Shop again. Went home.
The rest? Let the pics do the talking.
Markers that costs me over 40 bucks.
For my art journal.
I'm a Topshop Princess and a Rockstar too.
Haha! Sajer! $23
That's like proof for accidentally paying with credit card.
Total -> $75
Babyku, FRED PERRY;D
$75
Total? $196.40.
Excluding Food and transport.
If including, $200.
Never give me a credit card to spend. Haha!
Sorry daddy. But thanks. HAHA.
My dad's having an affair.
Bloody fuck. GAHHHH!
Farhan, sorry ok?
Don't be like this to me uhh..
Tomorrow going johor.
Sunday going gig.
Monday gg out with Hani and Tasha.
Yesssssss! Life after exam.
Uhuhhhhh!
Okok bye!
(12:19 AM)
Markers that costs me over 40 bucks.
