Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Happy 2nd belated Anniversary):
It eneded off like shit. Yet another unhappy celebration. I never thought it would end up like this. I can't believe i'm actually thinking about this. I really love him. I love him like as much air for me to breathe. I just can't breathe without him): I'm in a sad sad situation. I don't know why. I woke up today at like 3.20am thinking if he still thinks about me. &to come to that, he made me realise it's useless. Ok, maybe he just don't get it. But it's okay.
I'm totally fed up with everything right now. Problems kept appearing when the other is solved. Like when i'm perfectly happy with my relationship, my family sucks to bits. &when my family is just getting better, my relationship is like at the edge of the table.
Chapter 1: I met him, with clueless impression whether i would love him. Besides, a year before i actually have the hots for him. But my instincts tells me, he is the kind of person who would go for drop dead gorgeous ass bitches. Unlike me, i even have problem with my smile, my weight, the way i walk, the way i eat, the way i fucking talk. It's just not so, attractive. So when i had the chance to meet him, i was dead wondering why he would bother even to entertain my nonsense and my childish remarks of life and blabla ass sheep.
Chapter 2: So yeah, maybe i came to the point where i start to love him alot. I realised he accepted me as who i am. &he is the guy i was indeed looking for. WE WERE ALOT HAPPIER.
Chapter 3: Fucking fights. Stupid childish ass fights. &then comes to the point when we talked about the big B. I think it's all depends on him. Even if I asked for the big B, i don't think i can live long. Because the thought of him makes me happy, meeting him makes me hyper and just listening to him calms me. &then, i cried the shit off telling him that i don't wish to let him go, it's ALL UP TO HIM.
Chapter 4: Happy happy, sad sad. Haish, I don't know what to say. I think he is starting to hate me because of my attitude towards everything now. I've been counting, we have more fights then happy moments. What have we become ): ?
I FEEL LIKE SHIT ALRIGHT D: I don't know what else to do without him. He deserve someone better than me, someone who creates less problems, less attitude, less everything that's bad. Yet he chose to stay with me. &i'm hanging on, still tight, but at the edge): Let me climb up to this. Let me have a tight grip of you, don't let me let go of you.
Imagine when you wake up, i'm already dead. Imagine when you see me, i've forgotten you. Imagine when you hear my voice, i'm calling for someone else. Imagine me smiling, i'm happy for something else other than you. Imagine me laughing, when i'm happy with people other than you. Imagine, i'm gone.
That is how i feel every second. I don't want you to die, I don't want you to forget me, I don't want you to call out for some other girls' names. I don't want you to be happy without me. I don't want you to laugh when i'm gone. Idon't want to lose you.
This is how much pressure i feel everytime i miss you. &when you think i'm just exageratting, i get pissed. Just like what happened this very right morning sms.
I know you know i'm unhappy. But i'm never sad. Because i still need this, i still need you.
Forgive me my love):
I love you more than you love me. More than everything i have.
Thank you for accompanying me shopping for hours just to look for the perfect top for me. Carry my heavy load of shopping bags and still standing there beside me smiling when you are going to drop dead sleeping. Thank you for being there with me, when i'm at my wits of losing my life. &thank you, i'm still here breathing, smiling throughout my sorrows.
It's ok b, 1st & 2nd annis suck. So what, i still love you.
JUST FOR RUSYDI, MY EVERYTHING.
Sunday morning I’m tired lonely
Waiting for someone to save me
All the boys say you might be the one for me
I hope you can save me before I lose it
I’ve been dying inside
Got nothing to hide
I think we should try to lose ourselves tonight
For all that it’s worth
With every word
You make me want to believe in you and me
Cause your everything to me and I want you to know
You’re everything to me and I wanted to show
Days go by now time ticks slowly
I can’t wait till you’re with me
Till then I’ll sit and think in my room alone
Out there theirs nothing for me
Theirs nothing for me anymore
I can’t explain it but its making sense in my head
You and me (you and me)
I can’t explain it but its making sense in my head
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I slept again with B's hoodie. It made me less anxious. I wasn't at all worried about him, i didn't missed him at all. It calmed me down from the angry sms-es we sent, i slept again well.
Last night anniversary, we ate alot la eh. Actually me. Lunch was, 2 fish porridge for me and B ate his Wanton. Dinner was 4 meals at Kfc. Considerably i ate about 3 meals uh. 2 pieces of chicken, and 2 Bandito. Amazingly, i still weigh 45kg =S
Well, things can never turn out like you expected, so i just have to appreciate uh. I was happy even though the celebration was an unhappy one.
Hmm, stop this crap, i'm hungry.
I learnt not to idolize anyone. Because i found out many idolizing me, and it sucks big time. Big respect yes but hidden &it can get over limit.
Idolizing for a skirt -________-" That is superbly stupid.
I need a shoe.
Too much money to spend, idk what to do. All of the sudden, the shopping sense in me just disappeared. &i'm not being me. I feel weird la. Wah growing seh. -_________-"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
I'M, LAUGHING MY STRESS OUT!
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
-____________________-"
LIFE IS SO BORING. I WANT TO GO OUT &HAVE FUN.
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AND I CALLED HIM TO SAY I'M SORRY,
YAY HAPPY HAPPY!
yay, i super love rusydi.
(4:56 AM)