BEAUTY FOR THE ASHES

oi chibai

2007-03-10T21:10:00.000+08:00

http://decayestella.blogspot.com
http://decayestella.blogspot.com
http://decayestella.blogspot.com
http://decayestella.blogspot.com
http://decayestella.blogspot.com
http://decayestella.blogspot.com
http://decayestella.blogspot.com
http://decayestella.blogspot.com
http://decayestella.blogspot.com
http://decayestella.blogspot.com
http://decayestella.blogspot.com

link la seh

2007-02-04T02:09:00.000+08:00

You are the sex

link

2007-02-02T07:33:00.000+08:00

hello.

define sex.

Click 87854376847584 km away

from this link to my lj.

bye.

im fucking off goodbye.

2007-01-27T13:56:00.000+08:00

I guess this will probably be the last post of beautyfortheashes.blogspot.com

I've been busy and in a emotional breakdown about almost everything in my life. I'm about to lose my friendship, lose my boyfriend, lose my family, lose my hope to do what i believe in, lose my life. Lose everything. I don't care what you think of me. If you think I'm being not strong enough, you're wrong. I am strong. I am so strong that i destroy every little thing that im left now. Now i'm left with nothing. I probably don't have anything happy or joyous to blog about my life.

What's my problem? My problem is, that the pressure i am getting from e v e r y t h i n g that revolves around me. I'm letting my family to rot to death. I'm burning my brain cells trying to make sure that i have a stable job in the future so i don't have to struggle with not getting money, because for now, i don't even have the money to eat to school, or buy my own lunch after school or even pay the library books loan. I have already not eaten for 3 fucking days. Thanks la papa. When i need my boyfriend to accompany me eat, his busy making money. And things got worst because everytime i need him, he's not there for me anymore. When i need my friends, they themselves encounter the same problems as me. Indeed that i have no mother, thanks, what you want me to lose more? My life? Fine, you wont see me much because i'll disappear one day. You dont have to worry about that girl who has so much problems and god she's so fucking weak. You will never experience what i am experiencing. Get it? It's my fate to be in such a position. I'm not going to commit suicide. Because most probably, i'm already dying. My heart's burning, my soul is tearing apart. I never want it to, it just did happen like that. Like a diesease.

I've learned my lesson. Now it's time to conquest for new adventures, and i swear i'll be a lot happier. I just need my chances, if you wont give me, i'll look for it. Thanks everyone for faithfully reading my blog. Thanks to all my friends like Haziqah, Syq, Sarah, Sawah, Irda, Fee, everyone la, for being there when i have absolutely no one. Thanks for Rusydi, for being the best boyfriend who taught me to be a better person. Yes you owe me a lot, i owe you more but you just won't accept it. Oh, i'm doing this for the last time. And if all else fails, i might as well be happy with what i have :D

And favour, don't you dare ask me what is happening. Or i will burn your pubic hair.

Good Bye.

FUNNY BRATS

2007-01-25T14:19:00.000+08:00

EMBRACE YOURSELVES!

These are the boys of TWM xD

From left to right:

Umar Alkatab
Shazzneh
Carleeeesh
Khaiyaiyai
HAFIST kuching aku!
Rafey kepale Candyfloss!

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAFIST IS FUCKING FUNNY LA,
LOOK AT HIS EXPRESSION!
UMAR LAGI TEROK, TAKDE ORANG LAYAN.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!

Oh to Rusydi,

It's my fault, i swear it is.

i ♥ you with every bit of fibre of my being.

pffft

2007-01-24T22:11:00.000+08:00

To Rusydi,

Thanks for hurting me.

But I still love you.

No matter what.

♥ Fatin

Dead Disco

2007-01-21T00:35:00.000+08:00

I'm a little sad.

When you feel like you are together with the boy who this other girl love a l o t and that she has dreams about him and then she woke up and cried about it and it breaks her hard and when she questions herself why her attempt to get to know that guy for years was a failure to my attempt who knew him for weeks?

Or am i just thinking that that paticular boy is my boyf and when maybe it might not be him. I mean it's a fact that she U S E D to like him. I just cannot get over it la. With her cold stare and yeah. And, that she loves a song that reminds me of this other. But let's face it, I love Rusydi.

I'm struggling with my AMath currently. Im like in a pathetic state. Wtf. I still have art, and i'm going for art hunting tmr alone :D Before meeting Boyf since he thinks that it's boring. Pffft.

It's sad to f i n a l l y know that someone o u t t h e r e loves you for sex. No not my boyf, some other cheap guys. Whoah, thank god i know my limits.

Sis just cannot stop accusing me. Just because i didn't let her use my laptop. Haha, serve you right bitch. I would give it to you if you are a little more okay not, a lot more nicer. Who asked you to pick a fight with me?

Omg, I need my own digital camera, though the fact is i do have one, for free :D I just need a better one.

I got Lj, I'm posting there daily. And i mean daily. I'm using blogspot just for a show off. Want my Lj, ask me. Btw, i have a whole lot to tell you guys. It's just in my Lj. If i don't give you, it's obvious, i just don't think you are worth reading.

I somehow grew darker eversince school starts. Wtf.

Hellogoodbye's @ radio. Wtf?!

Can i kill that person who do not understand underground music?

DEAD DISCO,

DEAD FUNK,

DEAD ROCK &ROLL.

Kiss me, I'm contagious.

In process of the first page of my art journal.

COMBAT BABY!

3rd 18th

2007-01-18T21:59:00.000+08:00

For our 3rd month anniversary.
- Gosh, i feels like 30 years, only we are still young XD

To Rusydi,

You are always on my mind
Here you will find my thoughts, outlined.
Rusydi, my dear dear candyheart,
I will always carry you within my heart.

With our love combined everything is in reach,
Meeting you for the first time, I was without speech.
The moment I saw you my heart you stole,
I felt energized as if struck by one thousand volt.

We met each other, some time ago,
You made deep impact, that you should know.
My love is so strong, it makes me fly,
Each time we part I have to deeply sigh.

All of you is what I need,
I count the hours until my love is freed.
I look forward to our next moment together,
Even when it is raining it feels like the best weather.

:D With the most love i can ever find in myself,
*Tintin

FOR SALE

2007-01-16T21:19:00.000+08:00

I think simply, i am a bad girlfriend la. I have fights with my dearest boyfriend of almost the same thing. I didn't appreciate what my boyf did for me, did i?

I made a mistake, i really did, &now i can't turn back. But i promise it will end soon, and i'll be careful with myself.

For I don't believe in promises, but i do keep my word. &i do have reasons to break the promises but i swear they are reasonable.

I want to be with you, and only you. For I finally realised, im so much more happier when you are around.

Sorry if i made you jealous, i didn't mean to. I mean if other guys like me, it's not as if i asked them to right b?

I really love you. Why can't you believe me? Is it because you trust me less now? What by swearing i love you satisfy you? Why can't you just let me swear myself, isn't that more sincere? It's not as if i'm not going to swear, but i did, didn't i?

Oh whatever, it's over. &now we're back to normal. Happy couples. But whatever it is, i'm really sorry, past, now and future.

Haha, btw, someone in school makes me laugh sometimes. I mean, that is your/you guys problem.
If you trying to make me _____ my ______. By all means go ahead.

Basically for your info, you are right. That you ___________________. Besides i have better ones.

Whatever.

Idk why, i love Maths :D AMaths is challenging but you know what, it's kinda fun. Somehow.

The only lessons i look forward to is Math. Both Math to be exact. &english &history &amp;geo &art.

I've decided that from I should not go out on Friday nights like i used to. HELLO?!?! Friday nights, it's so Fatin. But I decided to sleep.

Then Saturday wake up in the morning and then do homework, tuition, meet friends, be home before 11pm.

Sunday meet boyf, be home before 9pm.

ARGHHHHH, stress nyer. With family, friends, schoolwork and relationship, i think i will start growing white hairs. But worth it. I guess i have to go home right after school.

Dear Fatin, NOT TO YOUR FUCKING SELF OKAY?!
On 17 February onwards, GO HOME STRAIGHT AFTER TUITION.
I wish i can start studying for god's sake?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Dad owe me $100 bucks. Woo! I hope he gives me $400 for my birthday. Better still $500. But boyf says, "Don't count the eggs before it hatches". So i shall not have high hopes if not i will be so disappointed.

I wish, I get:
A new wallet.
Misfits Slip Ons
A set of Body Shop soap and perfume.
A set of Body Shop makeups.
2 or 3 rabbits as pets.
A sling bag.
A new perfume.

PS* I'll be getting 2 cakes for myself. I'll invite the loved ones. If i don't invite you, jangan marah.

I LOVE YOU RUSYDI!

"Even if you are for sale, I won't buy you, i'd rather steal your heart with mine."
PS* Boyf wear SLIPEER! HAHAHAH! OP EH?!

picpic

2007-01-15T21:26:00.000+08:00

I'm not one of the [H/KIDS] but i hanged out with them :D I sure did have fun. They are so funny la. I got my face caked, thanks la to Fai.

Yes at Vivo. The Lovely Fucks with Shecar (in white).

Hugs and kisses, woweeee :D

OMG CHUCKY!

2007-01-14T00:27:00.000+08:00

"I WANT TO HUG YOU LIKE FOREVER"

I went to meet Haz, and it was Fred's birthday, belated i mean. Well did nothing much. X-CORE kids, took pictures and made friends. Then just hang around then went home. Made tshirt reservations. I belanjer Haz again. Kering la wallet aku. Goodbye $100. At last, someone can teach me art. I mean, god, how am i gonna master sketching? Gosh practice my lovely fuckthing. Btw, changed skin. Something simple.

I really had a good time. I really did.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

i'm so *happy*.
to finally meet the F-Clan!

Finally got to see Fai and Aidil.
It's been a long time.

Fai got crush ngan Haz.
I was like whoa?!

OMG i love hugs!
Hugged the lovelies.
&i really mean the lovelies.
HEHH!

&0h, i love you rusydi!

Irish

2007-01-08T15:34:00.000+08:00

School was okay. I actually love History(: I feel like a geek. Seriously i do. Ok fine i am. I've been reading All American Girl, and it's like, she's a goth geek. Am i or what? Loveku checked at Wikipedia that Goths wear all blacks. And to come to think of it, i start to hate black. Add colours to your life man! But i will still and will never stop loving dark grey or to be specific. Grey! Or Gray? Whatever.

To Sarah, I can't crash over if my dad's at home. I will only if there's no one at home and if not much of a homework to do. I mean i will still have homework every day. I hope you understand ok sweet?

To anonymous, i'm a little lazy and ever since school's been such a big deal, i don't think i will ever start. Maybe i'll submit once in a while.

Loveku, had started school already. Da susah nak meet him ): & i miss him already.

Yesterday, went to Esplanade Library and did some of my homework. Actually the main purpose is to meet Loveku and spend time with him. But i told my grandmother i was going to do homework at the library with my friend who is going to explain to me what i'm suppose to do. &so, i don't really want to lie, at least i did my work! Heh! &woah, irish.

10 more days and it would be, 3 solid months 8D !

I couldn't seem to see kekasihku, but it was a great once in a lifetime experience to have so much laughter with her. Takecare!

*Loveku = Rusydi, my love.

2007-01-06T12:00:00.000+08:00

Wooo, sorry for not updating. As you all know, i used to update my blog fortnightly or daily. And now, i'll be updating at least twice a week, maximum 3 times. Well as you can see i've been super busy with school ever since it started. First day of school already i have loads of homework. &the worst part is, i forgot the basics. Haha, i have a lot of revision to do then.

So, first day of school was fun. Super fun. In the morning Irda crashed my house before school starts. We were late of course, then we ran to the gate. Then first day of school already dah kene comment about hair. Merepek seh. I mean i've been tying like that since last year. But whatever. My form teacher is Miss Shawa, and i love her la. She's nice. Haha. I mean, she won't scold you for sleeping in her class. BUT i think she will this year. &i dislike the way both my emaths and amaths teacher teach. It's wayyyyy to fast. Or maybe because im lost and thanks for forgetting the basics. Malay teacher was the pro malay speaking Cikgu Nor. Her vocab power seh. I mean, it's so darn perfect. I feel as if i'm stupidest among all the other students. Haha. Look my malay sucks.

After school crash to Sarah house, to alter skirt uh, i mean the shop is near her house. Then took belo pictures. I mean, i wont' be posting but i'll post the ones that i think that's nice. Hahaha.

There are more from these, but you'll be shock. SERIOUSLY.

Second day of school, Sarah crash my house before school, late for school again. HAHA. School was okay. My bag was so fucking heavy la. School was okay la. After school went to reservoir with Sarah. Haha. Crap and crap la.

Third day, after school, went to meet Rusydi. Went Tong Sheng eat fish porridge as usual. Then went to City Hall then went home then went back to city hall again then went home. HAHAHAH! B tortured me. He didn't give me a chance to relax. Always make me laugh and cry and laugh and cry. Well cry as in not cry sadly. Cry of laughter and shits.

Oh whatever, i have tuition today, and, i cant go to today's gig. I mean i kept asking around then everybody say they cannot go, then when i cannot go then you say you can go?! -_____-" wtf la. idc.

Haish. You suck.

TMR SKOLARGH LA!

2007-01-02T12:48:00.000+08:00

It's already January. New year la seh. School's tmrw. I CANNOT WAIT. I want to meet my lovelies but it's rather saddening, i won't be able to see them. I feel like crying. Seriously. I don't wanna lose Tasha. She's been the greatest ive ever met in school. BUT IT'S OK, i have HANNAH(: The one im close to first at netball when she was still in netball last time. &it seems, that shes no longer now, same fate. I mean our status in netball la.

Since it's a new year, time for resolutions & wishes. (Is that how you spell it?)

Get grades B and above.
Improve my Malay.
Start doing an art folio. &i better be making this happen.
Save more than $1000 in the end of 2007.
Spend more time at home.
Lesser family fights.
Read more books!
Less internet usage!
To mantain my weight of 46kg.
Shop only once per month.

....

Uhm, idk uh, just go with the flow. Besides I won't know what is waiting for me in the future. I hope it's all positive ones uh. I mean you can't force yourself to be 18 this year kn? HAHA.

People I love are graduating. Good luck aye, keep in contact.

I'm getting my skirts ultered today. Hope the place is open.

Is it too late to say this?

2006, have made me a stronger person. I learn to accept disappointments because every expectations i expected just keep bring me down. So why sober over it? I've found the greated friends who would stick to me through thick and thin. And i must say this, Haziqah thanks a lot(: You have been one of my greatest pillar i can hold on to since I've known you. You may be small and younger, but you have a big heart and thanks for sharing. I love you alot. Rusydi, probably the best ever guy i would love to love. Haha, the one who i finally found who can accept me for who i am and not define what he hates about me. Unlike some assholes, girls or gays, who would keep talking about what we hate in each other's attitude. Like wtf, we are good friends. So talk about good things uh.

Short post aye? I'm busy getting ready for school tau.

ARSH TA LARGH ISH TARGH BAYBEH.
SEE YOU GUYS IN SCHOOL!

TAXI TAXI

2006-12-31T20:27:00.000+08:00

harllOws ;;

tmrr eurhh bburffdae hOrhs ? hhappwiie early bburffdae nddchh happwiie new yyearh ! aiieh 2dae qqiibb scaredd tmrr fferqett . lOlls . dunnOe iiueh well . budds . mayy all eurhh wiishes cOme ttrue :]] ttakkaiirex ! bbuaiies ! stayy shwiit ~

deadd.WAWA [[ bbrwOkken ppwiincess ` ]]
__`` skuLLs ndchh crOwns addiicts

*i found this at friendster.

to that person : FUCK YOU, THANKS FOR THE JOKE.

I had the biggest most painful stomach cramp. I couldn't walk but unfortuntely i have to force myself to since im not at home and i went bowling with a group of my friends. Gah, fuck menses. But it indeed help you tell if you are healthy though. GAHHHH -__________-"

I met my love earlier and we went Topshop. The first ever thing we did today. I F I N A L L Y got myself a dark grey slim leg jeans i wanted (since i couldn't get the one from mango) then i bought a blouse and now costing me, $170+ bucks. It's the last ever time i'm gonna shop for 2006. I signed up for Top shop membership. Hooray! Finally.

Went to eat at Banquet and thanks la, i'm having diarrhoea (whatever the spelling is). Went to sit around at Esplanade before we meet the people for bowling. Rusdi poked my boobs and i cried because it's like pressing a dead button. &he owe me a bulu to cabot! hahah! took these while waiting.

After meeting i had the worst stomach cramp. Rusydi helped me buy a cup of milo at Mac D and it was refreshening. Then i got energy and i felt better to play. Saddening the best part of my bowling was that i scored a spare FOR RUSYDI at the last part of the game.

then went to esplanade again, yadayas, crap and whatever. B had to go home early and it made me miss him more, which makes me realise i love him more and more everyday. awww b, i miss you so much ):

first day of school, going school with irda and hopefully she isn't late. Bringing the same bag infact. Just that mine is still new and hers, well, burnt already hahaha! & b is fetching me from school too. yay, how nice.

need some advice. which hairstyle should i do for school.

hairstyle 1: nenek-kau-cute-nak-mampos-hairstyle :

hairstyle 2: pantat-rabbit-kecik-version-hairstyle:

help needed thank you!

so just now i went to grandma's hse. &me and my brother took the taxi. Free ride baybeh. Haha! My brother gave him $10 bucks and asked me to take the change. Then the taxi driver gave me back $10.20. Free ride with extra 20 cents ok! how cool siah.

grandmother kept nagging about the same old stuff. like "your boyfriend are those useless teenagers out there. you clever right, then stop mixing with bad company." For you information, my boyfriend looks after me very well. He makes sure i eat, even if his broke or whatever. sometimes i go out, i shop, i dont eat. and that results me getting sick and to the hospital. but haish, so much for bad company. yes maybe he have dyed before and shits. but whatever la. all i do outside was just spend time eating laughing. not taking drugs or smoke or whatever. i'm straight edge la nyayi. i wont smoke, take drugs or have sex unless im married.

crap la, birthday coming in at most 1 month. hahaha. im putting up a wishlist for a good reason alright. hahah.

i want to join drama. &reason for quitting netball, i just don't fit in, you cant force it. so what if i can play? i can play with toys too. not a good reason, you still cannot force me to go. please, try to understand la. i dont like to be treated like how i am in netball. then allow me to leave.

I CANNOT WAIT TO STUDY AGAIN.
WTF, but yay!

IN 2006.. (in order of events)

Was the I was 14 years old.
Was the year I'm in sec 2 express in Damai Secondary.
Was my first year without a mother.
Was the first year i stand alone.
Was the year i was being under a lot of pressure despite the stress of being motherless and still people would be pleased to hurt me.
Was the year i knew that best friends are the best enemies.
Was the year i knew that the people i have first bad impressions on is actually my best friend.
Was the year i knew that no matter how much i want to enjoy my school life, i still have to study hard.
Was the year to never have high hopes to egoists.
Was the year i knew many people hate me for no paticular reasons.
Was the year my "used-to-be-bestfriend" said i have no boobs -_____-"
Was the year i learned to be patient and not take revenges because, in the end, i have the last laugh.
Was the year i lost interest in sports.
Was the year i had allowance.
Was the year i started to skip school and fake being sick when im just fucking lazy la.
Was the year i wrote fake parents letter and forge my dad's signature.
Was the year i first got admitted to the hospital due to the lack of care since mother passed away.
Was the year i had the most fugliest scar on my leg.
Was the year my DNT teacher cares for me.
Was the year i cried my eye balls out because of family fights.
Was the year i had my biggest heartbreak.
Was the year i stead with BOZO THE CLOWN.
Was the year i start realising the beauty of dimples.
Was the year i start cam-whoring.
Was the year i started wearing thick eyeliner.
Was the year i studied at the library with a guy i promised not to have a crush on.
Was the year people think i'm with that guy, which im not.
Was the year i give up having a crush on the indonesian guy at school.
Was the year there are many rumours about me.
Was the year my friends think i'm too much because i hang out with people outside school -_______-"
Was the year i didn't go the last week of school, well ok just 2 in the week.
Was the year i found true real friends at the moshpit.
Was the year i moshed till my hips hurts and still hurts.
Was the year i finally found who i really love sincerely.
Was the year my family are shits and still shits.
Was the first year i knew i had to make perfect choices.
Was the year i was thrown out of the house.
Was the year my relatives start not to trust me for some stupid lie.
Was the year i finally who i really was.
Was the year i made many promises to myself.
Was the year i've been through thick and thin.
Was the year i knew i had to be strong and it's ok to fall for a while.
Was the year i have to carry the whole world in my hands.
Was the year i have to walk alone with 2 skinny legs.
Was the year i gained 5kg to prove im not skinny.
Was the year my relatives think im corrupted as they jump to conclusions and not bother about the reasons or the truth.
Was the year that truth and justice is not easy to gain back again.
WAS THE YEAR I LOVE LIFE NO MATTER THE SHITS OF IT.

Cheers!

muse me!

2006-12-29T11:40:00.000+08:00

hello you.

if you want to know what i've been doing these days without updating this blog is well, im still eating porridges, i went shopping for school stationeries! I went to Popular with Kak Shifa, and it's a craze because some of the items are 2 for 1 price. Then we spent about a total of $100+ and the receipt is so satisfying. It shows me that i've had enough to buy school stationeries. I'm still left with my art materials since i'm taking art for sec3 and i hope art lessons aren't just about drawing and coloring. I want to learn more! Like digital arts and shits. I'm wishing for and SLR camera or just a simple yet very good camera to take my shots. like i've told you, i wanted todo a portfolio and shit, but i failed my attempt to. despite all the time i have, i guess it's the intensity at home. it's like one fucking shit la.

yesterday i got my hair cut with tasha. tasha's hair is like one of those kiki hello kitty at myspace. i love her hair, but i guess it's all about styling. my hair is like, well, i like it though. it's almost the haircut i had before only better, it's not that thin and it makes me look chubbier i suppose. Well for the sake of school, i cut my lovely most super hot fringe, nyeh! so goodbye, but still it's will grow again. well if you like it or not, it's not your damn shit fuck problem, because i like it.

counting down the days to school, we have like 4 more days and HELLO GOODBYE! I still haven't had my homework done. well i'm doing it today, so i wont be online. you may find me crazy BUT I FUCKING MISS SCHOOL and i cant wait to touch those books again. new subjects easy or difficult, i wanna try. i'll try to love amaths if i happen to start hating it. besides, i asked for it. just for the sake to get at least a better chance to get into poly. it's either art school, or republic poly or singapore poly. i still have no idea where i'm walking towards to, so it's best to juts get the resources first.

my family is ok. and i mean, 40% ok. i still caught my father talking with this old slut. jesus, ok fine, maybe he is lonely. but if there were to be something wrong about he not giving a fuck care about the family, then it's up to us to deal with it. but if i allow my sister to deal it, she will deal with me too, because she said me and father are doing the same thing -_____-" jesus, fuck you la sis, at least i didn't do anything to give shame to the family. unlike father, who almost lost his responsibilty to take care of me, and just because i'm young. look, i know the only one who look after me well is late mother, and it's like, she's gone, so i'm trying my best to look after myself. and then you people are not surpportive of it. i think i'm better off just shut up then give a fuck about family, because everytime i do, i get into serious shit.

saturday, who's uop for bowling. FINALLY, i missed bowling and i don't think im gonna make any score of it. it's like since 2 years. and then im gonna look for my jeans. if not, then im saving up the money. dad gave me 200 for january advance allowance and i have 300 left. and jannuary he only has to give me 100, oh ass! but i try to dig out a little bit like making him give me the normal allowance for january which is 300 per month. haha! then i will have approximately, 500 in savings. heh, hello, it's up to him if he remembers to give me only 100 for january. if he give me 300 then im thankful :D

since school is starting, im not gonna shop my ass off again. i'm gonna keep that money for emergency like if i need a break from home, or some bullshit like no food and shits. & i've decided to try my best to study my ass off everyday as a punishment of not achieving a goal for this holiday, im goona spend my time mostly at home is there is no one la. if not the library. i just dont want to see people form my family already. everytime shout and shout, no fucking peace sia.

i didnt get my hair hilighted, so i wait till im old enough for them to think that i can look after myself. i guess when i hit poly. then i will have the pink sony VAIO notebook.

and thanks to my mute 2nd brother for slamming my laptop, and it's a little like shit, i have a reason to get a new one when i hit poly :D some attitude problem la he. GLAD HE IS STILL JEALOUS OF ME! Because i have bigger bucks than him, well we both have same allowance. and i mean if he needs more, he can just ask. too bad, he's a mute. hah!

ok, im a little different. i feel like shit. and im not fatin. wth?! whatever.

What will you reactions be when people ask you :

WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LIKE THAT?
I don't know. It's because I'm fatin, and you are some fucking shit ass bitch.

I JUST REALIZED NOW THAT I LOVE YOU.
Thanks, i love you too :D

LEAVE HIM/HER ALREADY. YOULL BE MUCH MORE HAPPY WITH ME.
Eh? I never ask you.

COME ON. SMILE. YOU'RE CUTE WHEN YOU DO.
EH BEDEK SIA.

I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
Thank you so much. I won't bring you down.

WHY DOES MONDAY COME BEFORE TUESDAY?
Why do you think i care?

I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO THE LINKIN PARK CONCERT. WANNA COME WITH ME?
No, Linkin Park is so ice age.

YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST SPECIAL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. DID YOU KNOW THAT?
Well i just did. Thank you.

I THINK IM FALLING FOR YOU.
FALL SOME MORE! Haha!

I CANT SMILE WITHOUT YOU.
I can't smile without my lips.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, BUT YOU JUST ARENT MY TYPE.
It's ok, friends then.

NOTHING!
NO BARANG!

WHATS YOUR MOBILE NUMBER?
Empat empat empat, tekan tekan, jilat pantat!

CAN I HAVE THIS DANCE
OHTAYE.

MAY I ESCORT YOU
HAHA?

DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM//HER TIL NOW
YES, I LOVE RUSYDI, got a problem?

YOU WERE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED
&all i wanted to say is, i love you too.

WHEN WILL I GET UR SWEET EYES?
You can't.

*i missed my fucking chance to get tickets to MUSE concert because i said i didn't like them. WELL I JUST REMEMBERED I JUST DID! fuck la you fatin. talking stupid trash!

MYSPACE IS STILL A CUNT.
&omgod, im using friendster.
GAAAAAAAHHH!

BUSY BUSY BUSY

2006-12-26T12:25:00.000+08:00

HELLO YOU PEOPLE OF IKI-IKI-WAKA-WAKA-ZU-LU-BANG-BANG!
Ok stop, sorry, im a crap.

Well, sorry for not updating uh eh? I've been super busy with my sister's engagement and some shits. Well, let's start from Friday.

Friday, i went to gas haus for gig. Last day of Christmascore. Or was it? Ah heck. I kinda had a great time there, because well, idk, i just had a great time. Many monsterous punks and yadayas. I guess i had a good time because i got to mosh people and no onw moshed me. Haziqah pulled me and i wanted to punch her face but Rusydi pulled me back -_____-" Like i mean, i really wanted to hit Haziqah. Had this dramatic grudge against this bitch. & the next day, my hair smelled of ciggs. Oh yuck. It takes me about 2 times of shampooing to get rid of the smell. Oh yeah, not to mention, i ate 2 bowls of fish porridge again. I left the place afer TWM performed, they played Whoopi Goldust. Hahaha, my new favourite song.

Saturday, i can't go out because my grandmother was at home with my grandaunt and many relatives who are helping out uh. I was kinda sick, feverish and had this stinging feeling in my stomach. I didn't help out alot, because i possibly don't care uh. I mean, why should i right. I had to listen to millions of lectures from grandmother about relationships. I know la I know! I mean it's not my fault that i got into a relationship. If they really don't want me to have one, they should spend time with me and make sure i'm not lonely.

Gosh adults, always jump to the negative consequences. They never once thought of the reasons. And then start accusing of some shits. The more they accuse me, the more i wanted to prove them right. I mean proving them wrong aslo, no use sia. Yoo still get accused of some other bullshit stuff.

Then on Sunday, the day of my sister's engagement. The day i actually have to tolerate fucking old bitches who just gossip. Like, i mean, i hate the part where one of my aunt actually said some bad things about my other aunt who is sick. I feel like killing her infront of everyone.

And Aisah, I'm sorry if i didn't layan you much. I know you we'rent in a good mood and i just don't know what to do. And i felt like crying when you you started to tear ): Sorry tau.

Then I ate a total of 9 times that day. Amazingly, i gain only 1kg, which is 46kg uh. Then my brother said i'm gonna be fat when i grow old. Not true. I'm gonna go for jogs and go to the gym with Haziqaaaaaaaaah! Haha. That is so not going to happen. I'm going to keep in shape. Besides, there are some days which i won't be eating at home, because there isn't food and that could be considered, diet perhaps? Haha.

Monday, Merry Christmas la eh. Haha, well, went out with Haziqah, Syirah and Poodin and B. Went to watch Night At The Museum. It was a very nice and super good movie. I laughed like no one's business with Haziqah. The part with Atilla The Hun. HAHA, I think you guys should watch this movie. It's awesome. Worth 9 bucks of watching. Serious. Haha. After that, i got myself school shoes. JackParcell. And i mean, i promised my father that, and i don't want him to give me those cold looks again after seeing Rusydi at the bustop and his funny lectures. Gosh, i mean i never heard him say that ever O_O Jesus! Haha. But heck la, over already. So I don't have to bother about it anymore. We are still ok now, he still cooks for me maggi. Ok ouch, i just had a ant bite.

----------------- nice movie, go watch it now -----------------

-______________________-"

Then we headed to Esplanade and had this fight about this sms. With the Muacks on it. Urgh, whatever uh eh. I can't stand it if i were to see that again ok b? I don't know what's with you and her, but i know i still love you, that's why i'm still here. But i really want to know who uh.

WARGGHHHHHAHAHAHAHA.

2006-12-21T22:25:00.000+08:00

Jeebuz, i'm bloody pissed -__________-"

He called me so he could get his princess ninja the slippers she wanted.
He used me again and again -____________-"
He promised to get me something but i refused seh.
Gawd, i wasted that attempt.

Today is already 1 year of mummy's death anniversary? Ok i don't know how i'm supposed to call it. &to think of that i miss her a whole lot. Everything is shit without her. It's like we lost the spark to almost everything and there is absolutely no light.

I can't believe it that my very own grandmother would turn her back on me. Telling lies to my other relatives and that very "relative" can't keep her mouth shut, she think what her family so good urgh? God, I wish I can tell her this,

"Your damn bitch is stupid, so she can't get a job. So stop lying, everyone knows both you and your daughter are bullshits. But thanks for making us laugh, put on more make-up next time ok? Your clownish cosmetics are god damn cheap."

&to my grandmother, i can't trust and rely on you anymore. You seem to side and give face to that shemale but can't you see? she was rude to you once? rude to her own mother too? she coldly meant every selfish acts towards arwah mummy ok, even if i was rude to her, i didn't made mummy cried.

Yes i know that my family is like shit ever since she's gone. But gossiping about the bads is like, killing me. I wish you people die of some fucked up brain disease.

Well, im not going to bother about this. It's the past and it will be a waste for me to burn brain cells to give a fuck about old bitches chewing shit.

I'm super happy that toda's meet with Rusydi. We didn't fight at all. Well, there are some we were pissed with each other, and that's a little stupid. But all in all, it's really cool!

I ATE 2 BOWLS OF FISH PORRIDGE AGAIN!

SEE SEE!

Then we headed to City Hall to lepak, took pics urgh. Hahaha! Can make animation tau tau tau. Uhm, i will post them tmr with gig pictures? Tmr got gig. Lazy to go urgh, but TWM performing and that is when my girlfrans come and gather, so i have to go, i miss them so!

Ok largh, i post one now ok? Hahahaha!

Oh my god, i'm actually gonna wear that again for gig tomorrow. Maybe? Well, i haven't thought of what to wear so yeah.

Urgh, christmas. I want a present ): Haha, that vintage ring that costs 50 bucks plus? I WANT I WANT! Well, i'll be getting it tomorrow so no doubt. Gonna ask ayah for i think about 10 bucks more to top up ez link when, i have like 200 bucks plus, but i got plans how to spend it.

I cant wait to go get stationeries for school. &school shoes too! I cant wait for school argh. I guess i'll be taking drama next year. Oh come on, i was awarded best actress while in primary school because i cried. Actually because my secret crush was acting as well and he was told to scold me in the script. &i took it to heart, so yeah, viola!

I love ayah now. I screamed at him less and less. He cooked for me maggi special when he asked if i were like to eat rice and his fried vegie. Obviously no, so he cooked with extra potatoes and 2 eggs and like super hot chilli! As you all know, i love fresh green &red chilli. Chilli padi also love!

My tweenie-weenie-boyfriend-who-smiles-like-a-girl was fed up with his family and it's all because of the stupid ez-link that can't tap. I mean, as a family help la eh? Grrr, his family makes me piss too hahah, but i have no rights so yeah ( :

I told my girlfrans not to mention about my family. I guess because i don't wanna waste time with people who don't give shit about me and why should i right?

Who will be there for you till the end? Family right? Family first? I prioritise only those i care most, so if you are saying i'm cruel to my family, who's cruel now?

I know i've been a spoilt brat when i was younger, but there are some certain cases where i give in too okay. WHO TOLD YOU NOT TO BE CLOSE TO YOUR BLOODY PARENTS? Abang Hafidz doesn't sober about me being a spoilt brat, that's why both ayah and arwah mummy loves him, because he is understanding. You jinggle balls kept complaining of unfairness, do you think our parents care?! HAHAH, i'm always laughing it off. HAHA!

ARGH SHHHH! Hehh, :D

I still have not cleared up my stuffs. I have to wake up early in the morning before i go for gig to clear them up. I'm not gonna be free on Saturday ):

Oh yes, i need help! Should i cut my fringe? Before school? Should I should i?

TASHA SARI! PM AKU KAT MSN PLEASE MACEHS.

CLEAR UP STUFF

2006-12-20T13:35:00.000+08:00

To Amanda : Me gorgeous? Haha? I have people telling me I look like a frog!
To Cristy: Haha, ask my bf, he feeds me a lot in one go. Haha, ok crap. Idk, uhm, i try not to miss meals?

It stopped raining. WHY?!?!?! I love the rain. Cool and sexy. Hahaha.

I'm bored. I didn't go out for 2 straight days. I just remembered. I need to clear up my stuffs because for this stupid upcoming event whereby the 25 year old shemale is going to get engaged. &i can't believe it, i'm actually there.

&my dad won't throw that stupid old sofa bed infested with millions of bed bugs in the room! come on! where the fuck am i gonna put my study table? Jesus Christ. It's so unfair now. Better let me be happy in the future.

i am so fucked fucked fucked up!
I feel like cursing that bitch till she dies.

wow, she actually sweet talked to me for the camera O.O!
URGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I can't wait to go to school. I don't wish to be in the netball team anymore. Even if i have to take up volunteering or shits. I just don't want to go back. I'm never treated better there. So why should i go back? Stupid sial. Feel like going growing faster!

2nd Annis.

2006-12-19T04:56:00.000+08:00

Happy 2nd belated Anniversary):

It eneded off like shit. Yet another unhappy celebration. I never thought it would end up like this. I can't believe i'm actually thinking about this. I really love him. I love him like as much air for me to breathe. I just can't breathe without him): I'm in a sad sad situation. I don't know why. I woke up today at like 3.20am thinking if he still thinks about me. &to come to that, he made me realise it's useless. Ok, maybe he just don't get it. But it's okay.

I'm totally fed up with everything right now. Problems kept appearing when the other is solved. Like when i'm perfectly happy with my relationship, my family sucks to bits. &when my family is just getting better, my relationship is like at the edge of the table.

Chapter 1: I met him, with clueless impression whether i would love him. Besides, a year before i actually have the hots for him. But my instincts tells me, he is the kind of person who would go for drop dead gorgeous ass bitches. Unlike me, i even have problem with my smile, my weight, the way i walk, the way i eat, the way i fucking talk. It's just not so, attractive. So when i had the chance to meet him, i was dead wondering why he would bother even to entertain my nonsense and my childish remarks of life and blabla ass sheep.

Chapter 2: So yeah, maybe i came to the point where i start to love him alot. I realised he accepted me as who i am. &he is the guy i was indeed looking for. WE WERE ALOT HAPPIER.

Chapter 3: Fucking fights. Stupid childish ass fights. &then comes to the point when we talked about the big B. I think it's all depends on him. Even if I asked for the big B, i don't think i can live long. Because the thought of him makes me happy, meeting him makes me hyper and just listening to him calms me. &then, i cried the shit off telling him that i don't wish to let him go, it's ALL UP TO HIM.

Chapter 4: Happy happy, sad sad. Haish, I don't know what to say. I think he is starting to hate me because of my attitude towards everything now. I've been counting, we have more fights then happy moments. What have we become ): ?

I FEEL LIKE SHIT ALRIGHT D: I don't know what else to do without him. He deserve someone better than me, someone who creates less problems, less attitude, less everything that's bad. Yet he chose to stay with me. &i'm hanging on, still tight, but at the edge): Let me climb up to this. Let me have a tight grip of you, don't let me let go of you.

Imagine when you wake up, i'm already dead. Imagine when you see me, i've forgotten you. Imagine when you hear my voice, i'm calling for someone else. Imagine me smiling, i'm happy for something else other than you. Imagine me laughing, when i'm happy with people other than you. Imagine, i'm gone.

That is how i feel every second. I don't want you to die, I don't want you to forget me, I don't want you to call out for some other girls' names. I don't want you to be happy without me. I don't want you to laugh when i'm gone. Idon't want to lose you.

This is how much pressure i feel everytime i miss you. &when you think i'm just exageratting, i get pissed. Just like what happened this very right morning sms.

I know you know i'm unhappy. But i'm never sad. Because i still need this, i still need you.

Forgive me my love):

I love you more than you love me. More than everything i have.

Thank you for accompanying me shopping for hours just to look for the perfect top for me. Carry my heavy load of shopping bags and still standing there beside me smiling when you are going to drop dead sleeping. Thank you for being there with me, when i'm at my wits of losing my life. &thank you, i'm still here breathing, smiling throughout my sorrows.

It's ok b, 1st & 2nd annis suck. So what, i still love you.

JUST FOR RUSYDI, MY EVERYTHING.

Sunday morning I’m tired lonely
Waiting for someone to save me
All the boys say you might be the one for me
I hope you can save me before I lose it

I’ve been dying inside
Got nothing to hide
I think we should try to lose ourselves tonight

For all that it’s worth
With every word

You make me want to believe in you and me
Cause your everything to me and I want you to know
You’re everything to me and I wanted to show

Days go by now time ticks slowly
I can’t wait till you’re with me
Till then I’ll sit and think in my room alone
Out there theirs nothing for me
Theirs nothing for me anymore

I can’t explain it but its making sense in my head
You and me (you and me)
I can’t explain it but its making sense in my head

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I slept again with B's hoodie. It made me less anxious. I wasn't at all worried about him, i didn't missed him at all. It calmed me down from the angry sms-es we sent, i slept again well.

Last night anniversary, we ate alot la eh. Actually me. Lunch was, 2 fish porridge for me and B ate his Wanton. Dinner was 4 meals at Kfc. Considerably i ate about 3 meals uh. 2 pieces of chicken, and 2 Bandito. Amazingly, i still weigh 45kg =S

Well, things can never turn out like you expected, so i just have to appreciate uh. I was happy even though the celebration was an unhappy one.

Hmm, stop this crap, i'm hungry.

I learnt not to idolize anyone. Because i found out many idolizing me, and it sucks big time. Big respect yes but hidden &it can get over limit.

Idolizing for a skirt -________-" That is superbly stupid.

I need a shoe.

Too much money to spend, idk what to do. All of the sudden, the shopping sense in me just disappeared. &i'm not being me. I feel weird la. Wah growing seh. -_________-"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
I'M, LAUGHING MY STRESS OUT!

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
-____________________-"

LIFE IS SO BORING. I WANT TO GO OUT &HAVE FUN.

------------------------------------------------------------------

AND I CALLED HIM TO SAY I'M SORRY,

YAY HAPPY HAPPY!

yay, i super love rusydi.

KENDARATS

2006-12-17T16:50:00.000+08:00

*Puffs*

Wuh! It's been a long time I havent had a chance to update and now i have so forgive me for the late updating. Well many things happen uh and as you can see i'm tired. I'll update more with details when i have the pictures okay?

Well, just for a quick update.

Dad gave me $500. Well he supposed to give me $300 as allowance but he gave me extra $200 because it was his bonus and he wanted to cheer me up after what all had happened. Relations between me and my father have been getting closer. I wish it stays exactly like this.

Uhm, i bought myself a skirt from topshop. &i love it soooo much. I want to buy more of them haha! *hint hint: get me one for my birthday* CHEEEYYYY. (Haish Fatin, your friends won't bother spending big bucks on you so hush!)

So yay! I'm filling up my wardrobe with Topshop, Forever 21 and uhm, Pull & Bear maybe? With Mono + and stuffs. Call me branded bitch but it's just my clothes. My bag i bring is just Zinc AND/OR this black Army sling bag from the army market that cost like just $8. & like, i love it and so does b, who got obsessed and when i meet him, we will exchange bag, or he brings it for me. Well actually for himself! -______-"

So on Saturday i helped around, LAUGH with my cousins at the wedding. As you know, what being the kendarat. Sheeeeeeeeeesh i hate this. But i sat most of the times. Aisah was the role model of lazy kendarats. Lazy, but still hardworking. Ok crap.

Slept over with my cousins, laugh about then today i went home, my uncle sent me. I didn't get money as for the token of being the kendarat but i was told i get what i want from my cousin(who got married) so yeah, i wonder what i will be asking for.

I wanted the vintage ring that costs me 50 bucks plus. I'm getting it tomorrow. (I DONT CARE B, I WANT IT, I DONT HAVE RING TAUUUUUUU :( !!!!!)

& since tomorrow is 18th, i'm celebrating my 2nd month with B :D oh yay. FISH PORRIDGE OK B? I want to get pink streaks. I dont care!! Or do i? Hmmmm, idk. OH WHAT THE HELLLL.

Sometimes, i hate to get comments for being rich from people.
I AM NOT. I DO HAVE FINANCIAL PROBLEMS SOMETIMES OK.
So stop bossing around adn showing fucked up faces to me saying "i'm not as rich as you so you don't know how it feels like". WELL I DO. So shut up because i've been there before.

I'M HAAAAAAPPPPY ! ARE YOU?

this is childish

2006-12-13T14:05:00.000+08:00

Okay hello you fucklings. Haha. Remember i told you about someone having the same url? So i wanted to change it? Alright i did, and, i told her that it's okay to keep that url of hers because i'm changing it and SHE OVER REACTED -_____________-" I didn't over react and confront and scold her or shits but she still have the cheek to make me so vexed about it. Look, i think she's just being childish uh.

This is her link: http://-loverequiem.blogspot.com
My previous link was: http://-loversrequiem.blogspot.com

& she said this:

(she was referring to the anonymous who tagged her)
THIS IS SO
LAAAAME LOR
have to change url just cause of stupid reasons,
what 'no
shame shame', its not as if i pee-ed one corner what
i always have no shame
laaaa.
so dumb lor, i mean, its like fucked up
shame, ya right, never
leave the name then call people shame, what fuck is that
just over some
stupid URL, url url url url url url.
wash your mouth with urls' la.
now
what, you going to complain to the police just cause of a copied url?
dont
lame laaaa
i think this sort of matter, your mama might just think you're
nonsense lor

(she was referring to me because i tagged her with my
name: NURULFATIN)
yaaa, fine, some girl has the same URL as this, i
kinda like her name
OH WELLS, im not a lesbo for names, yaaa, so ya, this
url is like so lame
and nonsense, i think its lame lor, some of my friends
dont even know how to spell
D: find i change. -.- & im bloody tired of
wadeva shame la,steal la,
stop fucking on my blog la,
not happy, tell
your mama la.
assshooooooooooles
this is making me tired lor..

small matter then make it into such a huge matter.
ask me on msn or
real life for my new url. :]
for now, this place closed, why dont you go
visit that beautiful-girl's-name's blog
yaa? for now, fuck off. :]

& I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?!
Hey i didn't even accuse you and you actually insulted me that way?!

"stop fucking on my blog la,
not happy, tell your mama la."

HELLO?! I'm not fucking at your blog la fucking bitch.
I would never fuck your blog either, no dick no punani.

I thought by saying "you can keep the url, because im changing" would end the matter, and she said it's becoming a huge matter? Well for you info, you add me @ friendster once and gave me comments that i'm pretty, hoho thanks, but too bad im not using friendster anymore.

See what it feels like? When you are being nice, and people over react? What the fuck? No use right being nice? So am i being childish? I think she is. I'm just keeping my cool.

Look, if you are looking for trouble, i'll define you trouble. But i don't bother la. It's fucking childish. I'm just furious over YOU ACCUSING ME OF FUCKING AT YOUR BLOG. Which is so not fucking true.

URGH, FOR NOW, GO POOOONANEHHHS LA.

*Hoho! I learnt that from Apisz.

CASE CLOSED.

One very long post.

2006-12-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

I apologise for the change of url. Basically, i found out someone who almost has the same url as http://-loversrequiem.blogspot.com. I don't mind actually, but i get fucking sick if i found out that im having the same things or whatever. It's like so hard to be one of a kind, to be different. &i wish whoever so, get off me. Like same handphones, god im fucking sick of this. Same clothes, same stlye, same signature words, whatever that is same, i'll get stressed up. Just let me be different for once okay?!

Well i'm just so sick of staying at my house. It's so chaotic. Everyone is at war with one another. Thi is so fucking childish. 25 year old shemale who started off the fight with a 14 year old girl and a 19 year old fucktard who made things worse with 22 year old man. &56 year old human who just did nothing to solve the problem.

Let me elaborate thing clearly okay? I am the youngest of the family, 14 years old. I live with a 25 year old shemale who suprisingly works as a policewoman and gone bonkers. I also have 2 brothers, 22 year old brother who i respect most in the family and is with good terms with. My other 19 year old brother is a fucktard loser who is super childish, and i'm in bad terms with him.

I'm in bad terms with my shemale sister(yuck, she is my sister) because she is very fierce, and so, i avoid engaging real conversations with her at home or not i'll get verbally abused. She calls me fucking bitch, chibai and shits, when all i did was just say something without raising my voice. Even because of a comb, she called me names, she threw all sorts of vulgarities at me. &because she is just a police officer, she thinks she has all the rights and whatever she does is right. Just because my mother passed away and she thinks she can control me, i think she can go to hell with that idea. I know my father is not performing his responsibility of a father well, but because my mother spoilt me that doesnt mean she can change me. I control what changes in my life. She said i am a spoilt brat because i get whatever i wanted. But does she know, since young, i saved up to hundreds to thousands of cash and i give them to my parents, unlike her, she doesnt and there she goes complaning. She is one selfish bitch that even if i asked for $2 she would give? And when my mother is still alive, my mother has to go series of bad conversations just to ask her for $10? She made my mother cry because she won't even lend my mother a single cent to go get medical stuffs when she is already in the last stage of cancer. I dont want her to look after me, and because of her, i'm turning to be a rebel.

My 19 year old brother who i am in bad terms with just suck. He is jealous of me because of the same reason as my sister. He teams up with my sister to go against me in any of the fights and even if he clueless of what it is all about. Fucktard.

So you guys wanna know how it all happened do you? Well here goes then.

It was Tasha's birthday, and we celebrated her birthday at Esplanade. Then when it was finished, i lepaked with my friends, Haziqah and Shahey especially. Not knowing what times it was, i found out it was getting late so we went home. Then it was like 11.30pm and i'm already afraid to go home because of the journey to home, so i decided to go to Haziqah's house. I told my father and my oldest brother(Hafiz, the one im in good terms with) because those are the people i think who would only care. Why should i tell my sister right? She doesnt gives a fuck even if i tell her anything.

The next day i went home, she was not at all happy because i didn't told her. Who the hell cares? She doesnt so why should i. Then all of the sudden she does? Like wtf? She threw Haziqah out and i was like, Haziqah doesn't know the fucking way you bitch. & she insisted that if i go out, i cannot come back. Isn't that throwing me out? And! she told my grandmother and aunt THAT I RUN AWAY.

&now they dont trust me but trust my sister -_____________-"

At that time, i was thinking of jumping off the building but i thought twice. I don't think my mother wants me to die at this age. & i know my father needs me. When i was at the gate before i left, he pled me to stay to look after him. I couldnt bare being verbally abused again at home. It's just all the same as being abused. I never once call her vulgarities straight to her face, but on that day, i did and it felt so good.

And when i was told to go to my cousin's place, of course i was being lectured. they sided my sister instead of me. what wrong did i do? for staying over at a friend's place? hello? it was for a good cause, if not i would have already been raped or murdered or bashed up at my house area.

Jesus, adults fucking sucks. I wonder why, telling the truth makes them think you're lying. So what's the point of telling the truth, might as well lie. And accusing you like you are some one fucking jack ass. I'm an agel ok. I know i've been around with people who smoke, drink, had tatoos, piercings, but i don't.

I mean they think people who smoke, drink, had tatoos, piercings and dyed hair are bad company. But im neither of them, so why can't they trust me? They thought ive been mixing around with school dropouts but i tried all my best to get into a good class. So why can't they just have faith in me? They just don't appreciate me. &i just dont deserve being treated like that.

&while i was away, Hafiz fought with my other fucktard brother. He was impatient and he broke open the door handle to get into Hafiz's room. My brother Hafiz, was so furious.

So you know how much it sucks without a mother who would ease the was between the siblings. A father who has seriously no direction of parenting? Well, it's life. I'm taking my mother's word. She told me to be patient. It's okay if people step on your head, just dont step on others.

So what, a day of chaos, i got to meet my bf. He cheered me up. He made me laugh through something i thought i would never smile again.

And Alif, my ausie friend, he said he would not want to see me not smiling if he comes back to Singapore. & i promised him that.

I wish to have a perfect family. &now i dont. I dont want anymore. I just want to live with Abang Hafiz, Ayah and Kak Shifa. To hell with those assholes.

My grandmother and auntie knows my purpose of always with my friends, and they blame me. Instead of blaming the one who cause this -________-"

I feel terribly crushed up. Eversince my mother passed away all kinds of things happen.

I've made a plan. To save up $100 every month now that im getting $300.

Just please, anybody, show me you appreciate me having here.

On top of that, i haven't been doing much of the usuals at home. I've been studying lately. Hahaha. Ok no, more to browsing through the textbooks. I've been thinking of blank thoughts. I've been acting as if i have a pet.

Can i have a pet? So that i can stay at home. Haha, im bad at looking after my previous kitten. That one also my sister threw it out. I want 3 rabbits. Can can can? Haish, imma gonna save up and get them myself.

6 more days to our anniversary. What should i get for b?!?!??!

I LOVE MY LIFE (: I REALLY DO, no matter how much it sucks.

-----------------------------------

I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
It said my password wasn't long enough.

-----------------------------------

I want my mother back. I want to tell her how much i love her and miss her and stuff. & tell her that her absence made me loss 3/4 of me. I just want her back. Can i dream of her again? Can i dream of that same dream when i asked her if she loved me, and she answered me yes with her smile? Can i? Please? ): Can i turn back time? Let me kiss her again? Let me hug her? Let me sit beside her and touch her hand, feel the smooth hands that raised me up? Can i lie my head on her shoulders when watching tv? Can i feel her protecting me with arms wrapped around me? Can i get her advices when i am in trouble? Can i ? can i? Even if it's a dream, can i??!?!?!?

I wish to see her again. Can i?

Exhaustion

2006-12-11T21:49:00.000+08:00

Can i blog tomorrow? I'm really tired.

News Flash:

I got back from being thrown out of the house.
Yes, haha.

&i'm changing my url soon.
Since i found out someone who has almost the same url as me.

GOD IM SICK OF HAVING SIMILARITIES WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
i just want to be different.
cant you people just let me?

urgh, &bloghopper is gone.
so let that matter go ok dear readers?

urgh, im sick of my family.
seriously.

oh wait, i dont have one.

HELLO HELLO?!

2006-12-07T10:32:00.000+08:00

Seriously, what's wrong with looking thin or skinny?
At least I am not aneroxic. I'm fit.

Oh I reached my goal to eat up and accumulate fats on my hips to cover my skinny hip bone.

It's all done, nice and slim.
Chehhhhh :D

I have a flat tummy with a soft flabs to give me the shape.
Chehhhhh :D :D

I've gained 3kg which makes me 45kg now!
Whoo, i'm not underweight!

But still i look skinny ):
I've grown chubbier?
Idk, that's what my friends say.
But to me, it's still the same.
Chehhhh, chubby sehhh :D :D :D

I've grown bigger ass. Hoho.
And i like my ass shape sia.
Small yet round.
Imagine me wearing a bikini.
And not to mention the boyshort i bought from Forever21!
Whooo! :D :D :D :D

And i have body shape! Yay.
CHEHHH :D :D :D :D :D

And my hips got wider,
meaning my jeans size is not 26
but 27/28.

And I begin to love my long legs.
Congrats Fatin.

So people, though I look skinny, I'm NOT underweight.
There are things you might not know.
Like example, my weight increase.

Seriously what's wrong with being skinny?
I mean, models, are skinny, they are beautiful.

So why are you giving me such remarks like,
"you're ugly"?

Uhm wait, even if I AM,
I'm happy.

Why?
Because there are some things.
That most people cant have that I have.

So bugger off.
My body, my life.

Never it is yours.

Oh yes, at least I can fit in many of the clothes.
(Well i'm not offending fat people, I find fat people pretty too ok!)

So what if i think i'm pretty,
it's normal for all woman to have their own personal confidence.
&thats what makes them beautiful.

Oh, i forgot, i bought another top form Forever 21.
Ok it may not be seen good in the pictures,
because i edit here and there.
mostly the tones.

-_______-"

2006-12-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

Uhm bloghopper:

Why are you scared to tell me who you are? If you have guts to insult me, then insult me with passion. By the way, get the full story first. I'm still a virgin and i will only have sex when i'm married. It's true that i love kids. But hey, it's my problem. And I never violated anything that membusukkn melayu and islam. Even so, it's not that bad as having underage sex. What's your problem anyway? Trying to help me to say no to sex at my age? I'm not stupid ok. Wtf, if you know me well, you know uh. Obviously you don't. So don't bother hating me. I'm not gonna tell you what i have not done to memalukan masyarakat melayu islam, because, i myself to have violated some rules or whatever it is called. well just telling you. i've never had sex. btw, what's your motive? Argh, oh well, im not gonna give a shit about this. You probably don't know me.

-______________________-"

What the f.

This is delaying my post for today.

The Cavalier

2006-12-04T13:26:00.000+08:00

Let the pictures do the talking.

Whoah, I've been to myspace and many are taking photography like not as it's suppose to be. I wanna take photography and multimedia arts in poly! Ahahah. -_______-"

I need a room. Come on man, I'm a teenage girl and i can't share a room with an old man.

This is giving me the shivers.

F! My brain likes to imagine wild things.

ARGHHHH, EWWWW.

I'm proud this is over.

2006-12-02T15:39:00.000+08:00

Mood: Dehydrated -_______-"
Listening to: Anna Molly - Incubus

Stupendously, being in this relationship teaches me to be more accomodating with people. And in this case, with people I love. Maybe I expected too much from people and when they cannot reach those expectations, I will be extremely vexed. Now, I just keep quiet, forgive them and give them another chance. And what more, just forget about it, (Tasha style, "buat bodoh je sudah") Hahaha.

I've been thinking. Very affectingly whether I should get pink strips for my hair. Hmm, extentions? Haha, maybe. Well, because there will be 2 very important family event, i can't simply show off my rebellious state of mind on the day of those event. But i sometimes wonder, if my cousins can do it why cant i? -________-" even my late mother supports me when my father disagree whether i could dye or highlight. Well oh well, maybe i should wait till i'm older and see if people at home gives a shit.

I don't know why my father gets broke really fast. It's making me feel that i should not depend on him on my expenses for something important such as new spectacles or contacts (which i'm suppose to be getting them today, but im broke) and school stuff which i have not got them yet.

And speaking of which he starts to spend the money more on himself (the fact he's having an affair now), maybe i should get them before he finishes his. Though I may have 3 siblings, 2 who have a stable job and another just for the time being, i cannot depend on them either. My sister, will never give me a single cent. She only buys me things and that also depends on her mood which is always so sulky every single minute. My eldest brother, who only gives a shit about his girlfriend and will only help when my grandmother mentions about me needing his care or whatever shit. My 2nd elder brother, who ever cares? So who else can i depend on? Myself, unfortunately. And when my grandmother see me buying clothes, she will nagnagnag -_______-" She says the clothes i buy are, uhm, not suitable? Like hello, at least i wear hoodie to cover my boopies. Yeah but exceptionally not my ass : D And i want that black jeans from Mango! I dont care. I'm getting it tomorrow.

So yes. I guess maybe this is really the whole meaning of my fate. I just have to look after myself, at this age with ugly mongstars. Can i lead a decent life? That's all i wish for.

AND I WANT TO KILL MY BROTHER FOR NOT PAYING THE INTERNET BILLS AND MY HANDPHONE BILL! I think he can pay them with his pay and why the fuck must he delay? God, I just don't understand ADULTS these days -_______-" So unreasonable. Which makes me think they are getting more and more stupid. Selfish, stupid, and exceptionally boring! I want a more outgoing family. Haish, not my fate, so ..

W H A T E V E R !

I'm not going for tomorrow's gig. Broke and it's like E V E R Y O N E ' S not going. So I guess i'll just hang out with the bf. Gosh, i'm just in heaven in his arms. Ahaha, sounds like converge song.

Anyways, I'm growing! Adult tooth growing in my gums and it's like ouch. Sorry, but RANDOM FACT : Fatin grows very slow, despite the height. Hahah!

Tasha's birthday outing. I hope it will be gerek. I mean, I just want her to be happy. See her happy makes me go HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. God, i miss her kuchings. Huhu!

Cry baby.

2006-12-01T23:40:00.000+08:00

"Fatin sikit sikit nak nangis."
Thank you for your insult!

Ok yes, I cry alot! That shows i care ok. I'm sensitive and emotional. At least im not heartless.

I hate being strong. I used to be strong when mom still exists. So i've changed. It's for the better. I used to be hated by my friends in primary school for being h e a r t l e s s. Argh, fuck care.

TODAY JUST SUCK AS MUCH AS I DO.
I HATE TODAY.

I just wish today didn't happen.

I LOST MY FUCKING EZLINK FOR THE FUCKING 2ND TIME. &INSTEAD OF TAKING CARE OF MY EZLINK, I TRIED MY BEST TO KNOW WHAT BOTHERS BOYFRIEND WHO IS FEELING TIRED AND WE DIDNT MANAGE TO COMPROMISE WHICH I WANTED TO.

&i wonder why boyfriend, it's so hard to tell you, i hate seeing you hurt or annoyed or anything other than happy. i really hate it. i dont want to think that having a girlfriend leceh or shits.

I tried to understand. I did, but ego takes in over me. Can you at least convince me that it's ok that i won't be seeing you for one day? Because if you don't, you made me miss you. I miss you that it hurts. I was waiting for you to convince me, but no. So i tried to convince myself but no, i can't. I still miss you. I love you too much.

And b, if you want to know why i said you are STRANGE today? See me, &i'll talk.

WHAT THE HELL, I FUCKING LOVE YOU LA BOYFRIEND.

I don't know what's got into me): Maybe it's due to the periods which makes me have PMS. I'm still young and it's like, i still havent got the solution to keep me from being too affected by PMS. So i'm sorry for my behaviour la eh boyfriend.

SOME ONE CHEER ME UP PLEASE!

Feel like me.

2006-12-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

This is how i feel:

He said he was useless everytime we go out.
- should we see each other less?

[EDIT] He said no (: [/EDIT]

This Whore is better than that Bitch.

2006-12-01T10:59:00.000+08:00

Sorry for not blogging.
I was away at my cousin's house.

Enjoying every bit of being a kid again.
Games, jokes, and laughs.

Being chilidish the good way,
is as fun as i thought.

But being the eldest,
$50 gone in a dash.

Besides, there are 7 kiddies there.

I'm so kind.
HAH!

To Norman,
I'm not going to today's gig.

No money:(

I'm saving up for the upcoming ones.

Yesterday,
Me and B went to the National Library.

I borrowed 4 books.

It's time for me to stop
rumaging through the internet blankly.

Waiting for someone interesting to talk to.

So it's time for reading.

I've bought my school books.
&sadly the thickest book was the AMath book.

I'm starting to have a fear with school books.
But I cant wait to go to school again.

Though next year can be a little pain in the ass!

Tsktsk!

Here is what i have on my mind last night.

If you think it's you, then that's not my problem.
Don't bother asking if it's you.

I wont tell anyone.

Though I tell to some of those i always gossip to.
Like Tasha, B and you-know-who-you-are.

Oh well, read and shut.

Miss Perfect needs help:

You know, when you think you are perfect.
Your words tend to mean perfect too.

And telling me if you are way better than me,
in one way or another,
i can always get back on your words.

So who's the one perfect?
You or me?

Please, before you talk
about anything perfect about you,
stop it.

Because the fact is,
I have the things you can't have.

Beauty? we both have it.
Though I know you're more attractive.

The brains? we both have it.

But my intelligence overpowers yours.

Personality? most people prefer mine.

The heart?
Come on, it's obvious, it's me.

The poeple? I have more than you do.

The cash? look, im laughing.

Taste? i don't know.

Guys? I'm not some whorebitch.
Numbers don't turn me on.

Besides, it really spoils the image.

Not only you are popular with the guys,
but hey, isn't that what a whore actually means?

So who's better my dear?

It surely shows that you don't think when you
try to insult people.

*F.Y.I

Those who have asked how much I spent ar forever 21: $260

Those who asked about my random forever 21 jacket: $63

Those who commented about the pictures: THANKYOU(:

Oki: Emo people are like everywhere.
But the word EMO disgust me):
Thanks for the tag girl(:

Bloghoppers: (:

Do you know that your love, is the sweetest sin?

2006-11-25T16:49:00.000+08:00

Do you know that your love, is the sweetest sin?

So hello.

We took photos at Bugis.
Photos are at the end of the post(:

ANYWAYYYYY..

I did not go for the gig yesterday.
But i met up friends outside Gas Haus.

Like Nabeel who remember me
as "the girl with the funny email".

Like is my email really funny?
It's just in Japanese and I made
that email when I'm into Japanese Anime.

And i still love Japanese Anime.
Like Inuyasha. HAHA.

I met the TWM boys
after their band meeting.

Then we are suppose to go
for bowling game.

But it was late so we decided to lepak.
@ the Marina Square staircase.

I chased cats again.
My god! Cats at Marina are
so scared of me!

Hafiz said because I looked
like a mongster.
-________-"

Then we took photos.

TWM feat Carlees.
Hafiz and Carlees making out!
HAHAHAH!

Shahey sleeping.
Haha! Haziqah suke kan!

I wonder why you look like that.

Once a momok, always a momok.
HAHAHAH!

OK GO!

ROSES FOR THE DEAD

2006-11-23T22:30:00.000+08:00

Can I have a dozen, please?

Fuck, i just blogged a million posts and it disappeared!
-_________________-"

I was depressed last night.
I guess I was really in desperate need for sex.

I need fresh air seriously.

The boyfriend is scaring me nowadays.
I'm really sad):

I'm sick, hooray.

Is it your's or my fault?
I think it is us.

I'm beginning to feel like I have to let go of everything.
But i'm not, why should I?

Rusydi, it's all my fault.
If we are fighting over the same old thing..
Then let's forget about everything):

I feel bad hurting you because of a stupid mistake i did.
I don't want to hurt you. I seriously do.

Monkyets noses are in scene

2006-11-22T14:33:00.000+08:00

Zebras are so old fashion.

Like wtf is wrong with me? To whoever i'm talking to, i offended them. Okay wait, i dont mean it uh ok. But hell, it's like everyone's having moodswings. You gays are making me laugh. But im sorry, i really dont mean it.

If you are still young, tell yourself this. You are still stupid. You dont have the rights to do many stuffs, so shut and dont be such a big show off.

Why isn't anyone going to 3rd December's gig?! Got Odds of Stella la seyseyseysey. Haish, I have to save up bucks now. So many gigs to go to. Alarh, my hips are killing me, so idk if i should go.

You know what i need? I want to just sit, and look at a very nice view and take pictures and just go to my wonderland. I guess, it's with my kuching Hafiz and, Haziqah with Shahey I guess anyone else uh. Just want to destress. Idk about b, but i really dont mind if you can't come. And please b, take things at home a little serious. Like your bill, because mine is $289!

I'm gonna highlight my hair blode (fullstop)
or maybe orange? gah idk.

I've been bringing my friends from school to gigs.
I should bring more to the moshpit.
You know what i'm talking about Norman.

Idk about this coming Friday's gig. Rusydi can't make it. Oh well, go with Kuching is fine.

Fuck off la bitches, show me how true you are to the sounds.

Tag Replies:

Syq: Yes I do! How could I forget? It's before mine!

Sarah: Ahaha, well pick a date.

Sya: OH HEY YOU! Yeah, sorry if i poked you too hard XD Ofcourse I remeber you. How could I forget my friends?

Dinie: Ahaha! I spent about approximately $270(:

JANNAH: Ahaha, what a coincidence.

Scary Kids Scaring Kids

2006-11-20T13:56:00.000+08:00

Well, actually it's just Scary Fatin Scaring Rusydi.

HAHA! Ok, today will be a very long post.

17 November 2006, Friday.
It's Syqah's anniversary with Umar big fuck. And it's the eve of my anniversary with Rusydi. And since he can't go out on our anniversary, because his chinese grandada passed away (and i'm sorry b) so we celebrated on a friday night. We went to Far East to get myself Paper People notebook and file for next year. So here is what I bought.

Thunderbolts, that is so sexaye.

Then we went Vivo, and I went for an extreme shopping madness. Well not exactly. I still have things to get so yes. B stopped me from buying too much because he thinks it makes him feel bad. But you have very good reason and I understand.

We went to Pull&Bear,

& I bought myself this!

Like look at the stars xD

Then after that Topshop's collection is a little bore to me, just the blouse is all i wanted, the boxers, well i give them up for Forever 21!

Boyshorts

My Thunderbolt Jacket xD
Cost me

Look at it close.
Gah, random things for random belos.

Red tiny Polka dots on Black.
Sexaye.

Navy Blue, slight off shoulder.

Idk, it's like plain tee with hoods.

Ok the end.

Then I stayed at home on Saturday, which was my anniversary with Rusydi. And I crapped with my Grandmother since she was there. And I ate alot alot alot alot alot because I'm fucking bored and stressed, for no reason. Ahaha ok then.

Last night, I went to the gig. I slept on the couch, see people mosh. See fat guy mosh, see Midget(Taufik) kene campak. See Rusydi got moshed, see him mosh. See me got slammed on my hips and see me kicking someone's leg while trying to go fetch Haziqah. And i kicked him real hard, when i got back he was massaging his leg, way to go Fatin.

Irda and Sarah was there at the gig. Got a real problem. B thought I went down flirting but no b, how could i? Saw Aidil fag, and Fai Archer. Ok look, im pretty pissed with them. But I keep my cool. Saw Fara Zean, aiyah everyone uh, it's like everyone's there and it's packed uh.

Nah here one pic.

Left the gig early because I wanted to spend time with B, but what the hell, we are always sway. But things turn out fine in the end and yes I'm really tired. Super. I'm walking like a zombie, my hips are killing me. Ok chaos.

Friends do come and go,
how saddening.

*It's ok zach, i'm still here.

FUCK PHOTOSHOP.

2006-11-18T21:43:00.000+08:00

THANKYOU MR.PHOTOSHOP. YOU SCREWED ALL MY PICTURES. &&i'll blog most probably on Monday. Because i had to go to gig tmr. And I promised alot of you to go. So see you there.

To The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot,

2006-11-16T14:11:00.000+08:00

I Really Love You.

After having to talk to Dad about the money I need for school which is like in total, $300 and he gave me $200 last night, I mentioned this to him before he went to sleep last night.

"Ayah, kalau ayah tak bagi Fatin duit untuk beli barang skola, Fatin tak marah pasal kalau gitu, Fatin tak payah susah-susah gi skola. Fatin duduk rumah, pekik kat telinger ayah 24/7 sudah. Lagi BERFAEDAH. Fatin tau Ayah ader $700 lagi, Ayah simpan untuk sendiri buat ape? Nak enjoy? Ayah sendiri cakap Ayah tak nak enjoy. Abeh ape anak Ayah perlu, Ayah buat bodoh je la? Biarkan anak Ayah jadi bodoh macam Ayah? Nasib tau anak Ayah semua otak macam arwah Mummy. Kalau anak Ayah otak dorang macam Ayah macam mane? Lagi susahkan? Ini makne nye Ayah sendiri tak bersyukur, kalau gitu Fatin bodoh pon Ayah tak kesah kan? Fatin penat-penat blajar sampai tak tidur untuk gi class bagus pon Ayah tak kesah. Lain kali, Fatin tak nak gi skola la. Buang mase je abes kan duit Ayah. Fatin pon tak tau apesal Fatin panggil Ayah seorang AYAH. Tanggung jawab Ayah pon Ayah tak tau. Nak kasi anak makan pon susah."

Transilation? Haish, let's keep it short.
I DONT LOOK UP AS YOU AS A FATHER ANYMORE.

But then this morning, he's back. And he better not start being reasonable like last night, or i'll be the worst rebel he's ever known. And yes, i have reasons of doing so. So don't think whatever I'm doing is stupid.

Last night b, i was stupid just like a whore.

&&i need someone to shop with me. Anyone?

TAG REPLIES:

NORMAN// 18? My anniversary seh. If you see anyone holiding a teddy, that'll be me. HHAHA!

HAZIQAH// HAHA, BI! I love you! How's that? xD

IS'SHA// no worries ^^

SARAHDEE// SAWAHYAYANA!

IAN// Hah! Dreaming of me is way not scary but yes, it scares me when you told me that! HAHA, Ok the name je, I'm just exaggerating. HAH!

Mood : Apathetic

2006-11-15T23:34:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I AM A WHORE ):
- thankstothefuckers.
&i must be emo.
HAHAHAHA!

Come on lah, i'm not emo.
IMMA HARDCORE WHO MOSHES WITH CATS AND TEDDYS. Well, I went to Marina Square with B, many fucks and shits && i saw a like about 4 cats i think and i moshed them all. Serious, lie what Haziqah said, i mosh backwards, this time forward. *PSSST, i dont mosh like Irda xD

Ok, idk what i classify as myself as. I am what i am. So you judge me. Say what you wanna say, think whatever you wann think about me, i dont fucking care. I lie the hoodie @ forever21. I want that uh B, pretty please x)

And it's like Topshop's new collection bores the fuck out of me, except the accesories. I need to shop!shop!shop! HELP ME.

FUCK YOU, DADDY. I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU STOLE MY FUCKING MONEY FOR A FUCKING SLUT,FUCKFUCKFUCK.

Ok hush): Bye.

BOOO!

2006-11-14T14:06:00.000+08:00

ARGH! OH MY GAAAHH!
THAT'S FATIN 3YRS OLD!
- thankyou aisah -_____-"

I got this while I was myspacing through profiles and yes i've seen this once before but i like the fact because it is so true la. Ok bes just read la eh? Haha xD

FEBRUARY = Smarts. Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. A real speed demon. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

Ok bes, the bolded ones are well, my favourite facts and maybe true xD

Yesterday went to Vivo and lepak-lepak with TWM band mates and their gf's(Syq&Syira) with Haziqah and Shasha and Minn and Rusydi mat emo mrepek. Lepak, go crazy hugs and many snuggles. Haha.

Then head to Makansutra, B suapkan xD Nasi Goreng Kampong, super yum. Then took 196 home. Middle of the journey, a couple pon nak join uh, tapi i'm more of felt a little disturbed. Chiss! Tak bagi chance sey dorang. Grrrr -___-" Nak buat tu tempat lain uh. Sebok seh. That so really turned me off. Then B didnt press the bus bell and we dropped at my house bustop which is where we are not suppose to drop off because i have a feeling my sis will be there and.. Yes my sis was there. Lucky she didnt saw me with B if not my laptop kene taken away again.

Then went home helped Zach edit pics and did his myspace profile and yes, he owe me ass big time. I owe him Cardigan and he owe me FOREVER 21. Mwahahahhahahahah!

Baby you are so sweet, i love you more than anything else. Yah later you say bedek! Actually I bedek uh. I love my robo bf and green papers(money) then i love you. Haha. But i'll be loving you and only you when we get married! Yes, i mean next year nak kahwin? I'm like still 15 seh b. Hahah, and you still can say tunang dulu! Yes b, had a loooooooong chat with Papa (that's what he told me last night) And papa said he don't mind if b wanna marry next year. And i was like, (WHUUUUUT?!? My eyes kinda popped out a few minutes but it became normal after that) serious? And if Papa doesnt approve me, then b kahwinlari* haha. And like b is thinking of celebrating my birthday with Mama since my birthday is of the same date as her annnnd yadayas but idk how it will turn out to be so yeah, i have doubts.

Whatever so, im really happy. Yes very happy with what I have now. I have b by my side and my family is not giving me problems anymore(currently but im not sure about it later). And next year is another fresh new year and i really want to excel since ive been like, wasting my sec2 year. But hey sec2 seem really fast. So yeah. I got what i wanted and i should not take it for granted and not be greedy by asking more instead ill be making it stronger. And I got my happiness which ive been wanted since late mummy left us. And i'm really happy with what i have now(: Thanks to you guys, you know who you are.

I'm a changed person. I'll be super nicer, i mean, i wont hold grudges and i wont hate people back if they hate me. Like F* hates me for no reason but i have no reason to hate her so why should i? I mean she's been a good friend to me once before so i should be thankful to that. S* hates me because of being too much? Like going out with other people from places outside school and thinks im bitchy? Again i have no reason to hate her. Just because she calls me a bitch for going out too much and having fun makes me a bitch ke? Maybe she doesn't know the real me so i forgive her, besides next year same class seh so i have to make peace(: And like people warning me that i'll have a hard time with her next year, i want to change that. Since i have to live with her in school next year, i should make it that year a good one no matter what the consequences are. I mean it's my life and no one can ruin it. And whoever hates me, with a reason or not, ill forgive you and forgive me for whatever reason it is. I don't mean it and i'm really sorry.

Fatin's getting wiser oh my gahhhh.
Maybe it's true, you'll get wiser when you get older.
But i'm still taking many risks, really.

After much wondering and flashbacks, i've made many new friends and lost the old ones. Maybe i've neglect them but taking Sarah for example, is just how i wish all my friends could be like this. I've not contacted her for like more that half a year and we're finally back. That's what true friends uh, i mean not using each other as spare styres BUT, being there for each other no matter how big your gap between theirs are. Because you can always make the gap close if you try to meet them up again. And sarah, yes i'm proud of you. Very. And same goes to Irda. And the wish we made that night, i hope it really came true xD

I decided to do this quiz i found @ Sarah's blog.

5 years ago [I was]
// 9 years old, and i was such a good liar.

5 snackes which I enjoy
// It's been always cookies actually.

5 songs which I knew all the lyrics
// I don't know. I don't sing, I fantasize.

5 things I would do if I had a million dollars
// SHOP MY ASS OFF
// Treat my loved ones
// Donate to the less fortunate
// Get a BMW/VW
// Invest some of it so the money can grow! xD

5 things I won't wear
// High heels (i tend to trip and fall) xD
// Cheap clothes
// Blue tops (i dont have at least 1 blue top in my closest)
// Anything way too girlish (neither too tomboyish, i have my own style so yeah)
// Anything too striking (i dont wanna attract attention in that way)

5 bad habits
// Eating when my stomach cant take in more (I'll eat whatever that seemed nice, not when im hungry so yea, beware xD)
// Squeezing off zits
// Overspending xD
//Being really unreasonable when im pissed
// Delaying and being late (now that's so me)

5 biggest joy
// ROSEYDEHku Si Mat Emo Mrepek
// $$$ Money
// Tasha kekasihku!
// Irda, sarah xD
// My heartcore brothers and heartcore babes

5 famous persons I would date with
//ROSEYDEH
//ROSEYDEH
//ROSEYDEH
//ROSEYDEH
//Sutra (hah! k it's like just a childish crush only la ppl!)

5 people to do this quiz
// YOU
// YOU
// YOU
// YOU
// YOU

NEW BABIES!

2006-11-13T10:04:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! TO :

DINAH JERRYKU
- who turns 15 this year.
MY BROTHER HAFIDZ
- who turns 22 this year.

Today i'll be celebrating DINAH'S birthday @ Vivo but she's not sure if she can make it D; like ohmygah! i want her to come! and brother? He said to me last night, "Wahloa celebrate your friends never celebrate mine, NVM, i celebrating wiht my friends."

I'm like so, -___-" Mrepeks seh my brother.

I need to confirm if Dinah's coming then I can go buy her somehting!

In the meantime, if you people are bored. Let's talk about money. My obsession.

I have currently $179 bucks. Previously I spent about $60 on band tees. I bought another 3 formyself and 2 other for Rusydiku. We bought this Silverstein pink and white, black tee and we're wearing it on the 19th gig. Yay I think 19th gig big chaos! All my friends will be there! Gerek gerek! ARGH, i miss the hardocre babes. Seriously i do ;D

Oh, i bought Atreyu, As I Lay Dying new design and that Silverstein. I bought for baby Saosin and that Silverstein too. He felt bad for using my money and he says he'll pay me back. Susah uh. Ok you pay me back but when I bought for you Chiodos Hoodie jangan feel bad tau!

I can't wait to get my school stuff. ARGH YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE TO PLAN THINGS(: And then fantasize it. Making it happen is a dream come true! So here's a list of what I'm getting for school.

1) Big leather bagpack
2) 2 pair of Vans Slip ons plain white (one pair i design, since school alows 90% of white and so 10% COLOUR LA!)
3) A new pencil case with new stationery(i lost all my pens and pencils, thanks to my brothers -____-")
4) A new goddamn WALLET. (-_____-" Nadya owe me sial but heck uh, waiting her to fulfill my wish is like waiting a goat to be a donkey)
5) Ahah! New pair of ankle socks! (My old ankle socks are still in good condition but i'd rather get new ones, more shopping to do, HEHHS!)
6) Some hair accesories (none of the teachers complained about my hair except Mr.Lim, our form teacher. &he only complains during spot checks. Other than that, he fuck care! But I'll tie my hair next year, the small pony bunch with hairs still flying haha, you guys should no what i mean luh. Besides my hair is already getting longer.)
7) New set of uniforms! (My blouse is like size 15 and im getting 14 because 15 is really big on me. Oh c'mon, my skirt is short and it looks better on me, so mind me if i ulter but don't worry, it'll be the same length as this years, ok wait i know it's short. It's like 19 inch ok babes! maybe i go for 20 or 19.5 hah!, since ive grown taller xD i guess)
8) New notebook! (Getting one from maybe Paper People. I dont use the handbook f.y.i because i think the handbook is fugly)
9) New blady specs la cheesebun! (My specs degree is like !@%#$ So getting a new one or contacts BUT! I'm a little paranoid as usual and im afraid of them)
10) A watch. (maybe i use the one i bought with Tasha. Ok i neeed a digital one)

Da ok. Here's what I'll miss.
I'll miss Norman since he's sec 5 and graduates this year. HOW TO COMPLAIN WANKERS TO HIM?! ): Sad uh.
I'll miss Wawan dickhaed. He always go to school with me, ok not always. And looks out for me in school & goes library to study with me! ): Miss him uh.
Any graduating girls that i'll miss? No, not close ahhaha! Jahat.

TASHA, different class but who the fuck care? I love you my KEKASIH!
HANONEH! AND FARAH!

Here's what i won't miss.
Sutra, sec5 next year. I'll still be looking at his handsome face but nah, my heart is with Rusydi(:
Any sec 4na girls i wont miss? Nah I dont miss them, idk them!

Ok, next year jam pack with work. Like i have AMath & EMath and i hope to get tuition from Kak Shifa for free, since she's my bro's gf. Then she can come to our house! YAY! Then Art&design, is after school and i think it'll end at 5 or smth. Maybe after that can meet Rusydi. Pure geo, oh my, notes notes and more notes. I can't go out after school so often now. Need to revise. THEN HISTORY AND SOCIAL STUDIES! Argh politics! I can't take politics! Ohmygahhhhhhh D;

I'm quitting netball for real. I have no more passion for it. So saying if i really can play, i won't listen. I have no more interest. Saying im too emotional and can't socialize in the team? PFFFFT! That's just a bloody excuse. Maybe i go help out with desingning better posters in school and those goddamn slideshows.

Oh what the hell. I'm so fucking broke. Ask dad, EVEN DAD ASKS ME FOR MONEY! GRRR! Just waiting for dad to give me about $500. Haha, i'm too much. But so? I think it's like not enough sah. Ahaha. And I'm getting my allowance for December. 2006's allowance is like $150 and Nyayi(grandma) said is not enough for me. I bet she understands i spend wayyyyyy too much. Ahaha! She said, i'm like my late mum, have money, buy. No money, shut up. HAHA! Okok. So next year's allowance will be $200 or maybe $250. You see, i don't want my father's money to spend on this 'other' woman. So yeah, im not trying to control his money but hey, i have no choice. So maybe i'll buy Baby's Chiodos Hoodies. So yeah. This month cannot. I have plans to get my school stuffs.

And wtf?! I owe th e boys treat @ Swensens. Of all Swensens siah. It's Zach's plan -_____-" And i said yes, c'mon! Kene sporting sket. But i dont know when uh. I hope Cherie can make it.

MONEY. MONEY. MONEY. = FATIN.
NO MONEY. NO FATIN.

So what else revolves me? Argh?!?! My life's a boring shit. I need to go get a hobby? Ok it's like I love to hang out with @ the girl's house already. Like keep gossiping here and there. I can't wait for SLEEPOVERS! Like i have sleepovers at Syirah's with the HARDCORE BABES andand, SARAH's place. You know you guys can sleepover my house if THAT 25 YEAR OLD SHEMALE moves out.

OH MY GAHHHH. I HAVE SO MANY PLANS IN MY HEAD. I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT LIVE! I find chatting online is so emotion-less.

OK STOPSTOPSTOP, I'm just crapping.

Apologies you don't accept

2006-11-12T11:39:00.000+08:00

Then what will make it up to make you happy again?

I had 2 very shitty chats last night. They turn me off. C'mon when something turns me of, im far from happy, im totally pissed. But i keep my cool. What i'm going to explain things here are basically not things to compliment myself. And hello? Can't you judge my intention by my sarcastic voice? That when i compliment myself i was just J-O-K-I-N-G. Like bitch, you don't understand me. But oh well. & if you teraser if i call you bitch, c'mon i call everyone bitch even my loved ones. It's called vulgar slang with no vulgar intentions. You should know what kind of person I am. I joke alot and i laugh almost at ANYTHING. So why take me seriously? So why stress up?

(One of my shitty chats)
I can't believe it. He could actually still joke with me after all he had done. He haven't given me apology and i actually have the heart to give him one for calling him "S-I-A-L". And he didn't accept my apology? Please stop being childish ok? So all those PMs in your MSN were just to make me guilty is it? Telling off people I called you "S-I-A-L". Fine go ahead. GOGOGO! Go tell Princess Ninja. So what if i used to be your Pirate Whore? I have reputation too ok. Not just you. So what if you slit for her or burn your hands for me? & i know you only do things for her. Never for me. Never. I slit my jellos just for the scar. That awfully reminds me of you. Jeebuz crap. I never had silly fights after broken relationships. I seriously don't. I treat my ex-s like my best friend okays. Except for one fucker ass. I still treat you as my friend and i joke with my friends so wy throw tempers at me for calling you "S-I-A-L"? And what? Making you angry will only make you apologise to me? So if I didn't call you "S-I-A-L", you are not gonna say sorry? You think I can forget things so easily? You think having a new love will FORGET THE THINGS WHAT YOU DID TO ME? Stop it ok? I don't want to make you feel bad about living in this world and nobody loves you. But when I do, why did you neglect me? It's karma baby, and you deserve it.

(My other shitty chat)
Stupid ass fucker. My lips are hot and it's only for my Rudidi. And what? Offering me to you? Ok eww, I'm no one's whore. So shut up. Do it with you imaginary Sally. It's scaring me. PFFFT.

OH MY GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH):

Last night, i talked with Paramour, my baby.
I'm sorry ok b? It just happened like that. I dont mean to make you hurt or anything. I dont wantto hurt you. I dont want to lose you, neither will i leave you. I love you so much and you are the best relationship i ever had. Better than those scandals. I'm a die hard lover. I dont give up my love just like that. It takes time and patience, and i can wait till the apple turns into gold. So b, i love you more than you knew it.

ANYWEHHHHHS, last night was rather sluty and i shall not talk about it. But it was !@$#%#@. Thanks to b. See b, you make me high and you melt me. Love you.

You asked me
to move on,
& so i did..
why blame me?

Ok bes.

2006-11-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

New layout featuring CONVERGE by me.
Ok cool.

When burgers cheers you up

2006-11-11T20:36:00.000+08:00

it's actually your boyfriend who really loves you.

& i had a hard time eating Burger King last night. But I had fun with Paramour at the end. Running to step onto small little square drains @ Cityhall. I love Rusydi uh. He cheers me up. Everyday. Thanks b <3 I had time with Irda and her Corazon. I love you guys.

Once upon an oreo cheescake

2006-11-10T09:31:00.000+08:00

I used to love them,
and they hate me back instead.

Bloody mofos. Do whatever you want that makes you happy. But let me tell you, whatever you people are doing, they are all plastic. That's all I have to say. Thankyous.

Yesterday went to SARAH DEE's house with IRDA. It was smashing fun uh. I miss SARAH badly. The times we used to had are now back with more fun. I just hope my dad allows me to sleepover. Since the house is never a good fuction for me. Like ok, I'm suppose to do the house chores right now, but im gonna get ready to go Irda's house. To help her install PS CS2.

Anyways, just can't wait for todayaye. Going to Vivo with Rusydi, Irda and her Corazon. Okay now i know what's the meaning of Corazon. Sweet of you luh Irda. Talked with my Paramour last night and after much consideration, let's not watch Grudge2. Heard many people couldn't sleep at night. But hey, i'm sleeping at my dad's room so im not scared! Nyehahahha! But whatever so, what if someone watches me when i'm bathing. Nah, could be some pervert. HAHA.

Hmmm, just can't wait for Wednesday(: I have like $400+ with me to shop @ Vivo, Far East, Marina Square and anywhere uh with Paramour and hopefully my Juliet Irda and Tasha kekasihku(: Or whoever luh! My Paramour's getting my Topshop boxers when he gets his pay. Oh yay. Have been longing for them. Whenever I go topshop, I get the shirts first. And not the boxers. Awww b sweet uh, getting me that cute little P chain from Paper People. Like, P for Princess X) Ok crap.

Then I'm getting that Vans that costs $139 at Far East(: Oh yaya. And I'm getting another leather bag for school and Trade my leather bag with Irda. Sexaye uh life. I love love love life.

Ok here's what i must get.

Leather School Bag
Vans @ Far East
Forever 21 tees
Topshop tees
Topshop boxers
Black pants
Band Tees (i only have 4 ok, like 2 silverstein and 1 senses fail and 1 Alexus clothing)
Online shop heh(: (ok that one up to my bro)
Chiodos Hoodie for b
plain vans for school next year(: *im wearing vans to school, sexaye.
update my make up set. *hancur siah my com-powder.

Ok best, i just sign up for courses. And I wanna go make badges for everyone! Nak order? Haha, I'm giving free to loved ones. And the rest i sell for $2 bucks enough ok? And if you want me to help you design your blogskin, im charging. I charge LUNCH. Hahah. And that reminds me, i owe zach blogskin. Oh wait je la he get his pc back! HAHA.

BABY! Hope he brings my hoodie. Haha, he wears my hoodie and smells like me. Haha, ok best. Nari jumpe kan? I can't wait to bite your tetek! And have breathless kisses with you. Love you uh b.

I hope on the 19 nov's gig is gonna happen. Meeting up alot of people. And my brothers are all there! Ok as in not my blood brothers. Like Zach and all. I miss ZACH, FAI, AMIR, AIDIL AND THE HEARTCORE BABES. Gahhhhhhhhhh..

Annis comming soon. Celebrating with Syq&Umar, Syira&amp;amp;amp;Rafi and Fatin&Rusydi. Sexaye. Gi maner gi maner? Tak leh sabar uh.

Okay sexaye, i'm sexy.
- nuwul yuyul lulu?
wtf? My preschool friends call me Lulu ok!
Ok gus!

WHAT DID I DO?!

2006-11-08T12:05:00.000+08:00

I GOT MY LAPTOP BACK!

HAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
This so fucking rocks.

Thanks bitch. So how does it feels when your engagement ring is under my power? Have you noticed the scratches? HAHA. Have fun nigga.

XD

2006-11-07T12:12:00.000+08:00

Thanks Rusydi! For that post. Love you b!

Give up or give in.

2006-11-07T12:09:00.000+08:00

Dear Darling,

So what if i'm laptop-less? So what if I have to give up my dream to be a designer and get that certificate this holiday? So what if i can't go online and chat and do comments? So what if if i can't blog and update much? So what if have to waste money for transportation to other people's place to use the internet? So what if I have to rot at home just staring at the black box without turning it on. So what if i have to do all the house chores? So what if i can't go out? So what so what? SO WHAT? I will still go out. No matter what. And no matter what, I'm not gonna give up. Not giving up on you.

So what if my family thinks i've been doing shits behind their backs when all i did was just looking into your eyes? So what if my family thinks i've been smoking when all i did was to make you quit? So what if my family thinks i've been doing crimes when my crime was not making you realise how much you mean to me. So what if my family thinks i'm hanyut when the only that is hanyut was my attempt for not making you feel happy when i was really happy? SO WHAT IF THEY THINK YOU ARE BAD INFLUENCE WHEN ALL WE DID WAS JUST LAUGHING EVERYTHING OFF.

If last time, i could not give up on something useless, then i would never give up on something that's worth my tears, my heart, my touch and feelings.

Why would i give up on you? You are worth 2000 dollars(indirectly). You were once for sale remember? I've finally bought you. But IM VERY SAD. I dont feel like i own you): I feel that you are like selling yourself just making me happy. I know I spend money alot. But you know what I want to spend? I want to spend my life with you.

So don't you worry.
Because I love you b.

:D

2006-11-06T00:34:00.000+08:00

Dear Fatin*tin,tin*,

I LOVE YOU! <33
- Rusydi.

MIMPI YANG SEMPURNA

2006-11-06T00:26:00.000+08:00

Dear you,

Im still laptop-less. So yeah, you can't blame me for not updating. Anyways, so how's life eh? Hmmm, i got into Sec 3e3 which is like, Pure Geo, History Elective and im taking Art as extra yadayas. Thanks god I got AMath. Then can get into poly easier. But oh wells, at least DNT and F&N is like a goodbye. BUT! Kekasihku Tasha is not with me, but whatever so, i still love her and we will mati mati jumpe.

Hows me? At home, well ok uh. I lost my handphone and thanks. But i managed to get Motorola V3x(: hahaha! I lost like, alot of number uh. Sedih): but oh wells.
Me and Rusydi? Holding strong. I love you la b. Haha. It's ok if you can't get me topshop or vans or whatever i want. I want you. Just you. And that's what makes me reallllly happy. So b, don't think about you not being a good bf. You really are. Not like some fucking niggas. Haha. Topshop boxers pon jadi uh b.

Let's go Vivo, SHOP SHOP SHOP! after spending 200 bucks on my phone, im left like about 400 bucks left. I can buy B hoodie(: i'm gonna shop at topshop and forever21 and buy that vans shoes. And if i still have left, i simpan untok kahwin. Everyone's invited. hahah!

Ok la, nak tidor.
B also nak tidor kn b?
Thanks b for helping me update.
Sayang you.

* i type, rusydi copy paste and post. HAHA!

HI HO LET'S GO!

2006-10-31T14:07:00.000+08:00

Okay im at Tasha house.

MANY things happen but oh well
i wont be online much but oh well.

anything ask rusyidi. hahah!
or me personally. haha.
malas uh nak blog.
ok bes. chao.

Bites and kisses.

2006-10-22T01:32:00.000+08:00

Hmmm, i haven't been posting eh. Sorry. I guess because I busy biting. Well, I went out with Momokku Rusydi. So yeah. End of story. I promise to post ok later? I'm eating digestive cookies with Milo. And have zip car is telling me her fucks to me.

To hadziq, I dont want us to be friends. Because you somehow don't know how to appreciate me in some way. I can't forgive you. Because the anger you brought is so unbearable. So bye. Shut up because you are smart.

Aku yang lemah tanpamu.

2006-10-19T11:26:00.000+08:00

Selama mata terbuka,
Sampai jantung tak berdetak.
Selama itu pun aku,
Mampu untuk mengenangmu.

*I will forget you Zai, but I wont forget the moments you made me feel so happy.

Hello(: School's a bore. And I suggest school starts closing now. I don't think people like me, would give a fuck to go. Haha. Why is it always me that the school's been calling whenever i didn't go to school. So unfair seh. So this morning, i pulled out the telephone wires. Haha!

Well yesterday school was sucha bore. Everyone was busy gossiping. I, well, was busy deciding to make a decision. And yes, I did. I made a decision. It's official. Isn't it? 18 October. Yay 8(: Haha, funny how it is, that we promised to minggle when even before we started to, we don't even one to. We already had our special ones. Hani with Mee Siam, and Me with Momok.

Ok la, i got lotsa stuff to talk about. But right, I malas already. Tasha ngah korek hidung sblah aku. So bye.

If looks could kill.

2006-10-17T15:38:00.000+08:00

If looks could kill i'd be a murderer,
or maybe just a whore,
MAYBE I'M A WHORE.

Yes, my looks are scary and ugly. It killed the guys out there and maybe that's why I'm single D; NOT ANYMORE! It's the people that made me ugly. And if you know what I mean, then good la. My smiles are sweeter because the people I knew made me smile. And I was ugly, because I lost them. And when I said lost, you should know what I mean. I didn't lose a guy. Well I did, but that' not the point. Ok wtf, stop this crap.

I DON'T HAVE THE PICS OF GIGS! Tak fair, takper. Go to Dinah's page and yeah. You'll see.

Oh my god. How scary can this be? I used to have 6 love seats occupied. And now, left 2. I've given up 4 of them. So, was talking to Ernest online about my love fairytale. He said it's rather tragic for the 4 poor prince charmings. Want to hear the love fairytale story i told him last night? It's a little bit 'kurang ajar' a bit uh. But some of them deserves it. Ok, for your info. These 4 love seats (i call scandals 'love seats') as you know, just happened to me recently. Left 2 love seats that will soon be well, a love requiem. Well i guesss probably that's the reason why my blog add is lover's requiem. Never ending unrequitted love story. Haha, I got this from Wafah. My blog's always about love. Gosh, this is scaring me. Oh well let's get to the fairytale.

My Love Fairytale.

Once upon a time, there lived a little princess, oh no wait, the little princess is still alive which is me luh! She big eyeballs, long sexy legs (ok im not sure if it's sexy), a sweet cute deeeep dimple (mind me for exageratting, im proud of my dimple, heh.). She isn't sure if she's pretty enough, cute enough, worth enough to be loved and i mean loved by a prince.

She thinks, she's tooo skinny, too ugly because some parts of her bones are sticking out. Example, her hip bone. Well, it's not really sticking out as bad as aneroxic models. Just a little bit obvious. She thinks she's waaaaay to ugly for every prince charming she meets. She thinks prince charmings deserve better princesses than her. So well one day, she met Prince Zomeo Demolition Lover.

Prince Zomeo Demolition Lover, ok let's call him Prince Zomeo for short. Ok, as I were saying.. Prince Zomeo met Princess Juliffette Nurul Fatin, which is me so let's call me Princess Fatin la eh. They met through this coin-operated boy named Aidil. Aidil was Prince Zomeo's cousin. So when Princess Fatin was meeting coin-operated boy Aidil, Prince Zomeo was there to introduce himself. Princess Fatin was impressed, and stayed contact with Prince Zomeo. They called, gigggled, laguhed, had fun times online and stuffs. They went out, made out and then the next day, Prince Zomeo disappeared without a trace. Princess Fatin got worried, lost, and got obsessed of him by his disappearance. Princess Fatin then found out, Princess Zomeo was crying over Princess Ninja.

Princess Fatin lost her heart. Her heart was stolen by Prince Zomeo. He took it, and threw it away into the 'Sea of the Used and being Fucked'. Princess Fatin got depressed. Real depressed. She became stupid. She bled for a fucker though she knew bleeding for sonn-to-be motherfuckers are not worth it. She became cruel. She went insane. Until she met Prince Hellogoodbye.

Prince Hellogoodbye was a friend she had hots for. But Princess Fatin just wanted to be friends with Prince Hellogoodbye because during that time, she doesn't trust princes words of mercy. Unfortunately, Prince Hellogoodbye took her and mistaken her for their friendship. He took their friendship as a relationship. So one day, Princess Fatin got really sick of it. They began fighting. And then one day, when Princess Fatin went to party, and when Prince Hellogoodbye was looking for her, he got lost in the desert and died being burnt by the Sun.

At the party, Princess Fatin saw Prince Momok. Prince Momok, the super hot, super cute, super charming, super scary hot ass. Prince Momok knew Fatin for a year already but actually just a "Your name is Fatin and mine is R*****" kind of basis. They got closer and closer and both was thinking of getting towards closest. However, Princess Fatin found Prince Montot. Prince Montot, the cute giler babi, the electroguitar guy, the 'i-body-surfed-but-no-one-caught-me' ass.

And then ..........................
And then kan...........................
And then and then...............................
And then and then and then ....................................

KAN..................

TO BE CONTINUED!

Hahah! So yeah? I don't know what's the ending. Haven't end at all yet. Gosh, save me from me. I'm dangerous. I break hearts even if I don't own them. I steal hearts but don't now how to return back. All I wish was, someone who buys my heart, and then keep implant and stich his heart with mine. I want forever and if not, let's pretend it's forever.

It's a comfort to know
as i'm watching him go,
as he leave me screaming his name.

is this what he wanted?
is this what i needed?
is this what you call a bleeding game?
is this what you meant by demolition lovers?
or you is this how you wanted to kill me?

take a run for me, leave her all alone,
see my eyes when our love's so far from home.

with a flick of our tongue
and the touch on the hips
and the look in your eyes
and the taste of your lips.

Just for one night.
I held you so tight.
And you were the my star,
shinning bright.

The fear that gave me wings

2006-10-16T14:40:00.000+08:00

I'm sure that I'll be hurt.
I've got too much to lose.
To fly away and leave all this behind.

Okay like I went to Johor on Saturday. It was a fucking bad experience as usual. Unexpected whistles and fuck gossips from them. I came, to shop. Not to be treated badly. But oh wells, I still enjoyed. The food, the times I had with my cousies. But oh what the bloody fuck with that Malaysian officer when I was checking out to return to Singapore. 2 bars of chewing gum is like fucked up fine. And cooked burger Ramlee is fuck-you-bastard fine. Gah! Stupid. I feel like giving him a smack or pull his dick off. Haha. Actually his first impression of me was whether I'm a smoker. Do I look like one? Sedih, I don't look cute and sweet and innocent anymore D;

Oh well, let the fucks be fucks. Haha, i'm so vulgar i know. Then last night went to Gas Haus, moshed, and was being moshed at. I almost tore my lips and my sholder hurts. My knee almost got dislocated and my ankle was swollen and yeah. But I didn't feel the pain when I was moshing. Haha.

I saw RUSYIDI MOMOKKU(: Alaaarh, he's soo cute so charming so hot. So emo la he, tak mosh with me. I back punched his stomach with my elbow and I ended up looking at him smiling back -___-" I fell infront of him, he laughed and pulled me. Is that saving ms cutiepie my prince charming? Haha. More of help. Stupid shemales, pulled me and start moshing me. What I do next? Smile and walk away. Haha. But I seriously didn't feel any pain. Just after the mosh. And I felt the pain the next day. Hope momokku's nose fine. HAHA! *I'll breathe for you remember?

Rusyidi momok made me go *GAGAGAGAGAGAG. Hah, still can ask me for chance -_____-" Like hello you have luh! But you see, it's hard for me to accept hot guys. I feel insecure. And I fear getting dumped. Because it's all wasted what. Plus, he's hot, he can get any girls better than me. And when I'm in love, I give my all. And currently ok la, I am kinda in love with him or liking him. He's so sweet la. Ok wait. NOTE TO SELF: I'm a sucker for a sweet talker which means in this case i let my defences down when a guy do sweet talkings with me. Gaaaah! That's sounds rather weird. But my heart's locked. And the key is somewhere out there. Haha. So yeah, keys to my heart? Go figure it out.

Accepting Sarah's request in her blog.

*The tagged victim has to come up with 9 different points of their perfect lovers. Tag 4 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their page saying they've been tagged. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

GENDER: MALE. Isn't that obvious?

1. Superduper yelly uper superduper LOVING, which also means romantic ;D
2. To be there beside me all the time.
3. Trying all his best to always be there to give me memorable joy(:
4. CUUUUTE! Maybe not through the looks. But still CUTE. Ok looks depends uh.
5. Fucking LOYAL and understanding. Whooops, I mean LOYAL SETIA JIWA.
6. Sincere and thruthful through his words, actions, eyes and smooches and hugs and.. (it goes on and on)
7. Sweet, mature thinking and knows how to manje(pamper) me(:
8. Someone who can really make me laugh all day long.
9. To accept me for who I am, not WHAT i am.

The 4 victims? Tasha, Hani, Suhailah, Dinah!

(Ohkaye, isn't that some of the points for the keys to my heart?) But gah, that's just what I want in most of my SAYANGKU.

I a little bit sayang momokku.
I can't be sure of it though.
Because, we haven't know each other THAT well.
But soon XD Sunday eh?
Oh yes, Sunday going gig again.
This time momokku will protect me when we mosh!
YAY! (EHEH, Fatin happy sak. Tsktsk)

Let forever be forever.
Let love last all together.

Demolition Lovers

2006-10-14T10:08:00.000+08:00

I'm trying, I'm trying.
To let you know how much you mean to me.
As days fade, and nights go.
And as we both grow cold.

So much of his words, his promises were lies. And how his kisses still stings right into me. And how much I could remember how it feels to be rubbed softly on the hands. And how his face felt so warm against my cheeks. How his lips could take away my sorrows. How his jokes could meant hapoiness forever. How his hugs and snuggles are so heaven sent. How his smiles were worth better than diamonds. And that he is gone for some useless reason. That everything around me reminds me of him. That all songs were only played for his existence. That all the tears that rolled down my cheeks were merely just for him. And how much I still love him, is never ending. And all this could just be an obsession. How his disappearance can make me go crazy. And how much I his voice worth, like the air for me to breathe. Because right now, i'm barely breathing. I'm choking every single words I have for you. My love was wasted but it did not wash away. It's kept in me waiting. And I don't know what else to do, now that I've lost you.

Funny how it seems but I sometimes laugh to myself. Even a guy more perfect than him, can NEVER replace him. He is just so rare, so hard to get, so hard to find. It's like to me, he is the only guy in the world for me. No other guy can bring me the same happiness like he did to me. And he is the only guy that made me smile in my sleep. And if I were to find someone who can do that, and do better than him, then i'll be very happy then. Yes, I've changed. Nobody can bring me down, nobody can change me but myself. But he did. He changed me.

Yes, I am a little different to different people nowadays. To dickhead, heh sorry, I'm sorry ok. Maybe because you haven't seen me for a few days. Yes, you are true. I'm stressed because of him. Not exams or family. Ok wait, family a little. But he's the reason that I am what i'm now. Not kecoh anymore? Maybe you guys have gone through brekups and heartbreaks. But mine is like so difficult. Maybe if you ask me more, i'll tell. I know I keep things to myself and secrets, but i do share. Just that, maybe it's not the right TIME and PLACE to tell.

To Tasha, oh come on! I'm always the happy-go-GILER with you. Knowing that you are going to e4 instead of e6, breaks my heart. And i've been doing lotsa thinking. What will happen to me if you were not there beside me. It's the same as losing a mother ok. Just that you are better than a sister, way more better than friends, way better than an angel. You were there for me when I needed almost anyone. You were there. The only one I look for. And you know how it feels to lose a mother? Like when you were left alone at home. And then go search the meaning of life. And so far, I did not manage to find. I'd rather die than to live without a mother ok. But because I have such wonderful friend like you. I lived. I don't give a fuck what people say about you. But as far as I know, no one can bring happiness to me like you do. I've lost Zai, what more you want me to lose? So Tasha, maybe I've been a fucker to you sometimes. But look, of all friends I made, and all friends I had, you were the best ever. Trust me, the best. So what you if people think you are of bad influence? SO WHAT?! They never knew you deeply who you really are like I do. Because all this while, I've stood up for you. And I hope you won't bring me down.

Heh, Hani! You and stories of guys. Me and my scandals. My keboodle! Look, forget about the crisis and stupid fucking fights we had. There's so much more to look forward to. Like I can accompany you minggle and you could do the same to me. Guys are fucktards but no matter what, we both have to much love to giveaway. So why not waste them. They don't know how much we worth. Worth more than money can buy. Though of course, sometimes, money really cut our price. Hhaha. Ok wait, that sounds so ... slutish... BUT I know, you were there for me too and you are a true friend. Maybe you did mistakes or two that made me think you were mentally crazy but hey, you managed to make me smile.

Zach, Fai, Amir, Aidil. Haha, you guys are great. But sometimes you are shitfuckers! Haha. Oh what so ever. You made me smile too but at the same time, you are just the pain in the ass! Tsk!

Look, I don't know what else can mae me happy. I don't know what's worth living? Serious. Argh, I'm not going all e m o. Look, if you think I am, I don't want to be known as an emo. I want to be known as Nurul Fatin Artsy Hardcore Indierockguylove Fashion Glam ass. Not trying to be a fashionista or glamourous. But I do enjoy buying designer goods. Haha. Hardcore music and Indierockguys. Artsy designer. No emo. Emo is ewwww. Ishk, to me, when i hear emo, it's a nother substitute for wanker. And it disgusts me. Lastly, I want to be known as that friend, who you can't find.

Friends come and go. It's like getting harder to make friends. Socializing just increases your circle. But how much true friends can you find? I found 2 gfs. Dinah and Sarah from Myspace.

Family are like bunch of strangers who are "linked" to you. My family might seem perfect, because maybe because you think we are rich. HELLO? Rich but not happy. Not even close to sad. Worst than that. So stop giving me fucking problems ok. I have no time for your fucks.

HAHA, of all the sadness i made this. Sorry if it's ugly. Just trying to keep myself busy from those stupid sutff I cried about this morning. Yes I cried so what? It's good enough to make me smile. Click for bigger preview. HAHA!

GAH! Jangan sebok boleh tak kau?! You are just my friend ok. Don't take it too far.

IF YOU HAVEN'T READ WHAT I BOUGHT
LAST NIGHT, GO READ BELOW!

I know kung fu!

2006-10-14T00:19:00.000+08:00

WHAT THE FUCK?!
I BLOGGED SO MUCH.
& IT'S GONE.
!@#$%#!
PFFFFFFT!

Went Vivocity with Aisahsah cousie.
Vivocity was nice, my new favourite shopping place.

Saw Myspace Starbuck guy, Nadzry.
Went shopping like C R A Z Y.
Laughed with Aisahsah like C R A Z Y.

Went to meet Zach and Aidil @ Bugis.
On the way, saw Farah and Achap Dino.

Laughed again in the MRT "car"t! HAHA.
Shop again. Went home.

The rest? Let the pics do the talking.

Markers that costs me over 40 bucks.
For my art journal.

I'm a Topshop Princess and a Rockstar too.
Haha! Sajer! $23

That's like proof for accidentally paying with credit card.
Total -> $75

Babyku, FRED PERRY;D
$75

Total? $196.40.
Excluding Food and transport.
If including, $200.

Never give me a credit card to spend. Haha!
Sorry daddy. But thanks. HAHA.

My dad's having an affair.
Bloody fuck. GAHHHH!

Farhan, sorry ok?
Don't be like this to me uhh..

Tomorrow going johor.
Sunday going gig.
Monday gg out with Hani and Tasha.

Yesssssss! Life after exam.
Uhuhhhhh!

Okok bye!

A Certain Romance

2006-10-11T12:17:00.000+08:00

And there's the truth that they can't see.
They'd probably like to throw a punch at me.
And if you could only see them, then you would agree.
Agree that there isn’t no romance around there.

GAAAAHHHHH!
Romance is so fun. Haha, but it is hard to find a perfect one. A perfect and thruthful one. Haha, I'm so random luh people. Ok, I'm young and to have a relationship now is like, wasting time uh. Because young people don't really know how to keep the relationship going. And if I were to have a relationship now, I don't think my relationship last forever.

Like, break up then patch break up and patch. What the fuck? Might as well don't break right? -_-" Patching back like more that once sounds cheap to me. It's not like that very person only exists. And having many relationships at the same time, please la eh, that doesn't mean you are hot. It means you are cheap.

Ok look, relationship at young = no such thing as forever. So you guys, try to understand uh eh, why I don't accept your requests of me being your girl, your little princess, your baby, your bachin, your kekasih, your sayang, your cinta sejati, your kuching(: HAHA!

I most probably will have a serious relationship when I'm 16 and older. But that doesn't mean if I stead now, it's not serious. I take all relationship I'm involved in seriously. And if I dump you right, I have good reasons tau. Not for other guys. Just that YOU DON'T DESERVE ME. Cause I know I deserve better(:

So far right, no one deserves me. I don't think guys nowadays can make me happy. If you can, FOREVER is A NEVER ENDING STORY. Whatever uh eh. Talking about relationships sometimes make me sick. Serious. And oh, to you, you sound desperate. You're turning me off.

Tasha! Maner gambar kiter? Haha, oh yeah, last night, we went out when the fact is that there's exam tomorrow. We bought shades(: and watches. I bought 2 shades. Tasha 2 shades. I bought a black watch and Tasha too, except hers the same design but different color, white. Haha! I love Tasha luh. I really do. My true friend. We hardly had fights. I so love her. Haish, all i hope now is, about next year. Don't wanna lose her la.

Okay, there you go, our belo faces. I'm having lotsa fun. Though it's just one night. Haha! You want to know what? I went to top up my card at the counter. Then the lady asked me, "Are you sure that this card belongs to you?" Then i said, DUH! Then she laughed at me, "You don't look like 14. Like 17 leh." (She's like wasting 10 mins just looking at my card, seriously.) Then I went off, saying to her, fucker waste my time just to see you laughing at my ez-link card -_-" Sorry uh, i don't like people laughing at my ezlink card. Haha!

So yes, I also saw 2 banglas who were gay?! They were holding hands and playing with one another's hair. GAHHHH?! Indon/philipino maids not enough heh? Goshhh!

And to Norman or Sophie, the matter is over. Thanks btw. And I'm sorry if I was a bitch to you guys. I don't mean it anyways. Takecare you guys.

Look Mr, stop asking me if I'm minggling. You are really irritating me ok. If you want me so much, go prove it. I'm not some cheapo to accept you like that. BUT LISTEN, I'm only gonna have a real serious relationship when I'm 15 and older. So don't think I'm gonna accept you this year la eh. I'm really pissed.

Farhan, where you?!
Haha, I'm missing you.

She called me a bitch..

2006-10-09T15:03:00.000+08:00

when all i did was being nice and,
when i did not disturb her,
i was just making friends.
Is that wrong?

I dont fuck people when they try to fuck me.
So let them fuck, because it's not gonna be satisfiying.
Serious, don't waste time fucking me ok?
I dont give a fuck at all.

GAAAAAAAAH!
He's 14.
Indierock.
GAHHHHHHHH.

I dont want to be with guys same age with me.
Just older. Not too old. But !Za, special case.
And fuck him for his sheer stupidity.
GAAAAAHHHH. Fuck it uh.

We're single. So why not miggle?
Right Hani? Haha.

You jerk guys turned me into a monster.
So don't blame me for anything.

Fuck. Slut. Rock.

2006-10-08T10:30:00.000+08:00

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Pretty girls having alot of trouble with relationships.
Serious serious.

Hani and I well, are just so fucked up with our own guys. Guys nowadays are no gentlemen. Sad isn't it. Their nafsu so the kuat nak mampos. For one reason with me, confusion mean stupidity. Promises are made to lie. And as for Hani, maybe because it's the word "player" suits best. Damn it la. Why is it so hard for us to even, just stay with just one? And be happy from there?

Heard of this?

How can a pretty girl have only 3-4 ex? I dont believe sah.

Yes. That pretty girl is me. Ok wait I'm not pretty. But I'm just stting the true opinions I get from 2 guys. They dont believe me for saying I have 4 ex. 4 pathetic ex. And more than 10 pathetic (well some are good) rejected. Am I really wasting my time? Not so. I'm better than having 20 over ex which only lasted for days. But I have to admit. I have manymany scandals.

Haha, having to know that people give way to skinheads, gerek seh. If i were to accept one of them, sure treated like princess. HAHA! But I'm just scared of them uh. Serious. Most respected people siah. Haha. But no way am I gonna take them. I dont go for skinheads or punks. They scare me. Not as an insult uh. But they really are scary.

So yeah. Faizin, stop it sak. I dont want to be known as the naughty bitch who made you horny. Really. This is scaring me.

Wonder if he really will say that he is there for me when i'm scared.
Wonder if he knows that when i said i love him, i really mean it.
Gahhhh, what an unrequited love story agaiiiiiiiin -_-"

Shall we dance?

2006-10-06T18:44:00.000+08:00

Red light yesterday!

Haha okok. I'm so gonna screw my History. Had History and oh my bloody fuck. I left 6 questions that cost me 40 marks. Bubbye. Haha! Fuckfuck. It's daddy fault actually. He didnt wake me up in the morning. Alarh nothing happen la. Actually I wanna blog more about something uh. But I forgot -_________-" haha. Tootsy tol. Dickhead says that I'm stressed because of !zA Oh well, right now, I just wanna go out and make new friends. And I remember how much fun we use to have. GAHHHHHHHHHHH. I need money. I wanna shop. I want Art & Design and everyone's taking E4. It's like E V E R Y O N E. Seriously luh. I'm just so afraid of making the wrong choice. Like taking netball as my CCA. I was young then and I don't know what's good for me. So I follow la what arwah momma say. So why you teachers blaming me?! I'm not interested anymore. So don't bother giving those looks in school.

Interest is important right? So you don't have to force me. And my friends, I'm not sure if I'm willing to make a sacrifice. Especially Tasha. You want E4 and I want E6 and I dont wanna lose youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

To Tasha: KEKASIH! JGN TINGGALKN AKU KEKASIH! *Seriously uh Tasha, I can't live without you seh.

Emogirls are good gfs. They will wait.
But I'm no emogirl anymore.
Emos so common. Leceh uh.
Tak leh tahan, don't even know if you are a wanker or not.
I want to be a hardcore girl.
Damn I have to brush up my hardcore dancing skills.
And yes I wanna go your gigs.
But I will NOT mosh.
I don't wanna break my ankle.

Oh Farhan! I'll climb on you!
I won't mosh with you. But let's dance!

Nurul is not Fatin -__-"

2006-10-05T14:29:00.000+08:00

Hoho! now i knew why i've been moody all the while! I was having PMS -__-" Fucktard. Having PMS during exams is so not useful. I mean liek when you tried all your wits to get things into you b r a i n, your mood overtakes you. Argh, i hate moodswings. Super sucks. Anyways, let's see. I am now into my all so normal life again. Boring boring. But oh well, i'll look for fun. No worries. Lemme see. It's 2am in the morning and a few hours later, i'll be having my literature exam which I HAVE NOT STUDIED and my art exam. Yay art!

How pathetic is it that you love art but you can't draw -___-" rawrrh. Haha! I can draw robots, monsters, dinosaurs, dead sying sadistic girls and urhhmmm, triangular shaped people? Haha, i'll show you one day uh. I believe in myself and I dream to be a great graphic designer at a young age. I'm aming to be known as a young artist latest by 16. That is sooooooo, my goal for life. GAAAAHHHH! At last, a goal for nurul. You know I haven't had a goal for life before. Haha. This one is for real. So here are my plans.

READY TO LISTEN TO MY CRAPS?

1. Go take up art courses/sign up for art tutorials or workshops (despite the cost, tsktsk o.O")
2. Go fill up my empty 20 pockets B4 clear folio/file with artworks/pieces (art folio?)
3. Go for endless photoshoots or photography blablas with dearest aisah(:
4. Go shopping! (hey must ok!)
5. Go S O C I A L I S E (new friends hurray)
6. Go hang out with my buddies.
7. Meet Farhan see him jam and perform for me Guardian Angel live (esp. FOR ME ^_^)
8. Go gigs! I miss gigs -_______-" Esp, norman's because i wanna meet sofie sexxyyyy.
9. Go buy many local production clothings.
10. Online shopping to happen once in a lifetime thing for my 14 years of living.
11. Start a new fashion statement/trend! [Tough one, i'm trying to invent my own stuffs and sell it after going for art courses] (Another goal, hurray)
12. If Norman the boss will still take me as the supporter of his comapany.
13. Go get a domain.
14. Make more friendsssssssssss. (Be a socialite? Whoah. I'll be hitting every party every night heh)
15. Go make things right (i believe in karma, so let's go clean sins)

Hmmm, sins i've made and have remembered i made so far.
1. To visit mother's grave every weekend.
2. To make father veryveryvery happy atleast once a week.
3. Say sorry to people I've been a bitch to.
4. Stop hating someone so much (zaISDiSAFIisfasofsf)
5. Go start praying my ass off( i owe god alot of things)

And now, the things i financially have to plan.
1. Money for art courses/tutorials/workshop
2. Money for art materials.
3. Money to shop, heh.

Damn, starting a new life is fun! Reallyreally, i see many nicenice things about to happen. But yeah, things don't always happen the way you expected. But who cares?! I care for what's the best only. And I've learned that even being single is so much way fun then being single and not available. HOH! I love people like Ian, Tasha, Dinah, Wawan(dickhead), FARHAN!, and many more la. They have made me realise that it's time to LOVE YOURSELF. Because the world's colder even if global warming sets your ass burning. Hah, now that's lame sial. Ok. Hmmmm, Imma gonna quit NETBALL for goo. Bye sports. Wait, I still love sports. I love... RUNNING AROUND WITH MY BOXERS HALF WAY DOWN. Hah, no la, I love to jump. Wait, it make me grow taller. Urhhhm, ok la, i love hockey and floorball and soccer with the girls and, catching gays and many more. Oh loo, fatin is starting to love her life again. THANKS TO YOU GUYS.

YOU GUYS changed me. From a bitch to a hellogoodmorningi'mnurul! Farhan you make me happy everyday la. Yay hero! Dinahdinah, where are you?! Let's hang out. I like friendly, outgoing people. Why? because I love going out. Hah, (outgoing get it?) yeah. Wonder how Hani can have so many friends and yet she don't hang out with them? HANI, gimme some of your kawan. This involves exposer of self identity. And self identuty as a good designer or someone who can do art that interests people nowadays is the sex. I mean, i dont wanna be exposed as just nurul with the dimple from pathetic geek school, damai. I wanna be exposed as ROBOGORE. That'll be my brand name hah! Dream on nurul, okok, let's go live the dream.

I feel so inspirational la. What the fuck?! I need help too ok.

His in my thoughts and in my prayers, well now, only being a person who cares for everyone and everyone cares is way much more better. I'm young and I shouldn't be wasting my youth with hurtful relationships. So i decided that I shall not be into serious relationship until 16/17. Unless ofcourse before that, i believe if it's necessary. No love drama can bring me down so badly like this one anymore. And i'm not easy to be brought down. But hey, I'm still average. Like what?! The normal nurul who loves to disturb TASHAAAAAAAA and shout FARHAAAAAN! and hang out with FAIIIIIIIII and ZACCCCCCCHH. Aidil may might as well live as normal as he can because he reminds me of him and yes, i won't neglect aidil.

I NEEEEED MORE GFS. Serious. And I mean GFs that are BFF and sisterlove, bloodslittering love kinda friends. Like,,,,, Tasha(:
Hani and Farah, ok la. But they have their own business to care about.

First GF target! Jerri of Dinah! HAHA.

*Sometimes, it's better to love your friends more than to love someone special.

Pretty people never lie.

2006-10-03T14:02:00.000+08:00

Haha, sorry to change the new link address. I was pretty much changing into a whole new life. It's amazing how his absence had made me into a bitch towards my friends. I'm sorry you guys. I've never been in this sort of situation. Exams and shits. I mean usually when it comes to guys and shits, i'm able to stand. But when it comes to him, i can't even carry myself the slightest. He's really special to me, but sadly im not anymore to him. He's still into her so i can't do anything.

I can't force you. Go ahead love her till your last breath. Because I've wasted mine to a useless being. Someone who wold lie to me and I would actually believe his words. So much of your promise. Bastard. I don't lie that's why. But why take advantage? If that's not what you were thinking then oh well, ok. But if you are using me to seal the emptiness in your heart without her, it's just like making me feel like a prostitute. I should have known better. But why lie to me? Just because you don't wanna hurt my feelings? Look, lying to me hurts me more. I'm gonna be so over you uh. But it's hard for me to. Because I never had sucha guy like you. You're my everything. And i feel like i've lost everything when you're gone. I lost my breath to even be the normal me when you said you dont care anymore. I've change alot because of you. I'm not blaming you, but i'm just letting you know. That every word I heard and listened to, always goes into my heart. So by lying to me won't make you look good. WALKING AWAY FROM ME WON'T MAKE YOU LOOK HOT. So what's the point.

I should have listened to my dearest friends. Forget you and let other guys have me. I deserve better. Why bother waiting for a guy who is waiting for another girl. Damn i'm fuck up stupid. First time seh in my whole fucking life, i was to be this stupid to actually wait like 'semangat kebabian'. And yes, dickhead never heard of a girl who would wait for a guy till her eyes became sore and puffy. I AM JUST SO STUPID LA. Fucker, ishk.

Well thanks for the times you made me feel happy for. I really appreciated it. Thanks for the sweetness I get from you when you said you love me. And thanks for stealing my heart, threw it somewhere in the scraps of fuckers and not even telling me where it is. Yes, i'm heavily broken. My biggest heartbreak. It's as bad as even losing my mom but my losing my mom is far worse la. No point loveing you if you love someone else. So bye.

You're not the same. You've changed. I don't need you anyway. You're not the person. That I believed in yesterday. You never wanted me to show the love so, just write me off then I'll let you go.

Argh enough of that. I can very well go around and enjoy better fucks than this. Let's read this.

Does your name begin with: A
U are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action.You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get.You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. You often don't get hints & you ever pass any. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is! intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important for you. You tend to be very Practical, & not very emotional Your choices are very good & can only lead to trouble. You are very self satisfied & egoistic.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: B
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments, and particular when it comes to love. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite & feelings. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: C
You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sensual, Needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to hold out on affection until you receive this.. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: D
Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full Steam ahead in your suit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement's, sometimes possessive and jealous. You are very sharp & talented often with sense of humour. When people bother to look deep inside they cannot resist what they see. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude. You get jealous of other people and lose your temper .

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: E
Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while-it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. You will fall asleep with a good book. sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book to a lover)

---------------------------------

*looook at me!
Does your name begin with: F(atin)
You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are a born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are a favourite fantasy past time. You can be a very generous lover.

___________________________________________________________

Does your name begin with: G

You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is yourintellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active-never tiring out. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to people.

___________________________________________________________
Does your name begin with: H

You seek a mate who can enhance your zest for life ,fun & everything You seek for. You will be very generous to your lover once you have Attained a commitment. You are very affectionate & very strong. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be very careful with your every move and equally cautious in your involvement's often as you believe that you have to look out for yourself. You are a sensual and patient lover. You will hold off till everything meets your full approval. You are a perfectionist, hard to satisfy and strong in your beliefs. Not influential, you always stand your ground. People can always count on you to stand by them in a crisis. You are a dreamer with/ a passion for life.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: I
You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... even worshiped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You like necking spend hours just touching feeling & exploring. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of expression. You bore easily and thus require adventure and change. Your commitments don't last very long & you often tend to stray. Loyalty is not one of your strong points. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: J
You are blessed with a great deal of physical energy. When used for a good cause there is nothing to stop you, except maybe that they aren't always used for the good. (you could dance all night.) You respond to the thrill of the chase and the challenge of the mating game.You can carry on great romances in your head. At heart you are a roamer and need to set out on your own every so often. You will carry on long- distance relationships with ease. You are idealistic and need to believe in love. You have a need to be nurtured deep within.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: K
You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind-natured & sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

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Does your name begin with: L
You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. "You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated ".

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Does your name begin with: M
You may appear innocent, unassuming and shy; but we know that Appearances can lie. When it comes to sex, you are no novice but something of a skilled technician. You can easily go to extremes, though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom with the whole idea of love. You can be highly critical of you mate, seeking perfection in both of you. It is not easy to find someone who can meet your standards. You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to lovers. You are often selfish, thinking you are always right no matter what. You never give in. Winning is your prime desire- at any cost. You often forget friends and family and you live for the moment.

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*LOOK HERE THIS IS ME.
Does your name begin with: N(urul)
You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you Throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all-consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You also enjoy mothering your mate. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative.

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Does your name begin with: O
You are very interested in fun activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your energy into making money and/or seeking we. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate lover, requiring the same qualities From your mate. Love is serious business; thus you demand intensity, diversity and is willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

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Does your name begin with: P
You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of Doing anything that might harm your image or Reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy...a good fight stimulates those vibes. You are relatively free of hang- ups.You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things.You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.

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Does your name begin with: Q
You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people because of their ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and conversation to turn you on and keep you going.

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Does your name begin with: R
You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal-the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is not very important to you. You have to be proved to be worthy for a partner. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

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Does your name begin with: S
For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and is capable of much sensuality. But you never loose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue. You could get jealous and possessive. You tend to be very selfish often regarding yourself as the only human being on the planet.. You like being the centre of attention. You are very caring sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. Turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the rightperson to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind nature & sweet which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

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Does your name begin with: T
You are very sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. You like someone who takes the lead. You get turned on by music, soft lights & romantic thoughts. You fantasize & tend to fall in & out of love soon. When in love you are romantic, idealistic, mushy & extremely. You enjoy having your senses & your feelings stimulated, titillated & teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, all in your own head. Once you put your mind to something you manage to stand by it and see your dreams through. You aren't very good at expressing your feelings. You like things your own way. You do not like change, you like to hold on to things. This may not always be good because if given an opportunity things may develop into great things. You work your way to the top. Attention must be given to what others say because even though you don't want to hear it their advice may turn out to save your life. !

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Does your name begin with: U
You are enthusiastic & at your happiest when in love. When not in love you're in love with love and always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as challenge. You are a roamer & needs adventure, excitement freedom. You enjoy giving gifts & looking good. You are willing to put others feelings above yours.

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Does your name begin with: V
You are individualistic & you need freedom, space & excitement. You wait till you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching her/him out. You feel a need to get into his/her head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. You believe that age is no barrier. You are good at responding to danger, fear & suspense.

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Does your name begin with: W
You are very proud, determined & refuses to take no for an answer when it come to love. Your ego is at stake all the time. You are romantic, idealistic, often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner for who she or he really is. You feel deeply about love & tends to throw all of your self into a relationship. Nothing is too good for your lover. You like playing love games.

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Does your name begin with: X
You need constant stimulation because you get bored quickly. You can handle more than 1 relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.

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Does your name begin with: Y
You are sensual & very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships which doesn't work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation. However if you can make money you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

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**Does your name begin with: Z (omeo)
You are very romantic but show feels that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate & attracting people who have unusual trouble. You see yourself as a lover's saviour. (Be afraid to love, hope you marry and cry everyday. Hah, fatin basket. Sorry.)

*Thanks dickhead for the token of our friendship anddddd the *a r e y o u h u n g r y* day in the afternoon of the fasting day. HAH. Thanks for the day, i really need someone to keep me busy. After all the fucks i've been through. And the tears now have seeped back into my eyes.

Tasha, i love you la bitch! Thanks for telling me that there are better guys other than him. That I'm capable of having a better love life. That we should enjoy our age and no use being so into relationships until we are willing to marry. And the laughs we had in the class. I love you. You really seem to make me happy better than the guy i thought who is the love of my life.

Fuck life, stop being a bitch to me.